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|Brian Rzepczynski • 9/25/14|
The illustrious first date can be wrought with a combination of excitement and nervousness, causing you to potentially become tongue-tied and paralyzed when you are sitting across from that hottie not knowing what to say next.
Never fear! Below is a list of potential topics you can have at your disposal should your mind go blank or if one of those horrifying moments of silence occurs.
Beware, there are also certain subjects you should avoid so you will not risk offending him or making him want to bolt from the scene.
These first several dates are intended for you to screen whether the two of you have any compatibility to explore further.
You can ask him what he is looking for in a guy and subtly ask questions oriented around your own needs without coming across too heavy.
These topics can add lightness to your discussions and are a good way to screen his knowledge and social awareness.
You will come across as lacking in intelligent conversation.
If you are not savvy on current events, now would be a great time to brush up on the news to have an arsenal of topics and wisdom handy in case you need it.
Is he “out”? How involved is he in the gay community?
You will want to screen for any possible internalized homophobia or values around gayness that might not be compatible with your stances.
If those values are both similar, how do you feel about that?
The time will come to talk about these important issues, but they can be a bit heavy on a first date before you have had a chance to establish some camaraderie.
The same rule applies when discussing politics, religion and money.
You want to find out if the two of you share any similarities in activities for recreation and leisure.
Ask for examples about experiences and inquire as to what he likes the best about those things.
“Be creative and savvy in how
you go about your conversations.”
A balanced conversation between you and he is crucial for it to not feel like it is a one-sided date.
Be sure to have an equalized dialogue so you both feel like you’re contributing something.
Nothing energizes a conversation more than a person talking about something that is meaningful to them.
Ask lots of questions to show an interest and curiosity in what he’s talking about.
You should never do this, even if it is counter to what you like to do. Validate the importance this passion has for him.
And inquire about his relationships with them. You can learn a lot about a person by the types of attachments they have to people.
Is he close or disconnected to them? How does he speak about these people in his life — with adoration or negativity?
The more he hears about any family dysfunction, the more his eyes are going to be darting toward the door.
Try to save that history for a later time when you can gauge if you can trust him.
What does he hope to be doing in five, 10 or 20 years down the road? Does it appear that you have comparable plans for the future?
Career, marriage and parenting might be something to mention here.
Also, avoid agreeing with things he says just because you want this to work out. This can be suffocating and appears insincere at times.
And talk about what you envision an ideal dating lifestyle to look like.
It can be funny sometimes to swap past dating horror stories, but keep them to a minimum so he does not get the wrong impression of you.
A long history of failed dating relationships could make it seem like you are a train wreck.
This adds a climate of negativity to your date and could have him question whether you might talk like that about him someday.
It might also lead him to think you might be a negative person.
These are just a few ideas out of a plethora of topics you could choose. Remember, every topic and question you ask is designed to screen whether you and the guy sitting across from you have “goodness of fit.”
Be creative and savvy in how you go about your conversations so it seems natural and flows smoothly. Have fun and remember to laugh. Humor is sexy and goes a long way!
What do you typically talk about on a first date? Have you ever brought up any of these taboo subjects?
Photo source: healthygaylifestyles.com.