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|Mary Gorham Malia • 9/25/14|
It happened. She broke up with you.
It wasn’t your choice. You thought things were OK, or you knew there were problems but thought you were working on it. Looks like she thought otherwise.
You thought if you could just make it through the holidays, you’d be OK, but that wasn’t what happened.
Right now you’re feeling devastated, betrayed, deeply hurt and unsure about how you’re going to move on.
You’re not sure what’s next or how to move on, but you’re here looking for help. And I’ve got some help for you. Keep reading!
All of those emotions are really strong and need to be acknowledged, felt and talked about. Make sure you do that and work with a great therapist or coach if needed.
The truth is you will go on and you will find a way forward, but how do you get through the next few days and then the next few weeks?
Here are the big dos after a breakup:
Break your patterns connected to having her in your space. This is a huge way to shift how you feel.
Move your stuff around. Move the bed. Move the dresser. Move the couch. Move around everything in your kitchen cabinets. Move the coffee maker. Paint the bedroom. Buy new sheets and a new pillow.
If you think there is no way to move the bed, challenge yourself to find a way to shift other things in the bedroom. This is energy shifting in a simple but powerful way.
Listen to new music, not the old stuff you shared with her. Moving everything around in your apartment or house will break the pattern in your mind and emotions of walking in and expecting to see her.
Your mind will have to think about where you put the spoons and how much you like the new sheets and pillows.
“You have to decide
that you will move on.”
Break the pattern of having her constantly present and in your head.
Don’t call. Don’t email and don’t text except about necessary stuff like telling her to come get her stuff out of your place or how she’s going to pay you the money she owes you. Then make a plan for a friend to be there.
Change your relationship status if needed, and then disconnect from all of her social media accounts. Unfriend her. Unfollow her. If you must, block her on Facebook and on your phone.
Create space so you can think clearly and process your emotions. If you stay connected on social media, every time you see her update her status, it becomes another stab of the breakup knife.
Moving on takes time, focus and a commitment to yourself. For some, moving on is easy and logical. For others, moving on is very difficult and sometimes seems impossible. It’s not impossible if you commit to it.
You have to decide not only that you must move on but that you will. That triggers your brain to start looking for solutions versus staying stuck.
Challenge yourself to let go of her, learn the lessons from that relationship and become a better version of yourself.
Your heart will mend. You will have a scar on your heart, but scars are just one of the things that make us deeply human.
Photo source: femside.com.