4 Tips for Gay Dating in Small Communities

Gay Dating

4 Tips for Gay Dating in Small Communities

Brian Rzepczynski Brian Rzepczynski • 9/25/14

What’s a single gay guy to do when he lives in a rural area that lacks a vibrant gay community?

It’s hard enough finding a quality dating prospect in a booming metropolis, but it can seem almost impossible when you live in a geographical area with a minute population that most certainly seems predominantly heterosexual.

It can feel very isolating and hopeless if you’re on a quest for a life partner when you’re living under these circumstances. It’s like living on a deserted island destined for a future of solitude and loneliness.

It doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom

There are some things you can do about your situation with varying degrees of success on the probability scale.

Should you move to an area that holds more of a gay population? Or should you stay put in your current home terrain and strategize different ways for accomplishing your dating goals?

Both are viable options in this situation, and what you choose to do is predicated on your priorities and goals, financial resources and unique life circumstances.

The harsh reality is dating is a numbers game

Considering that gay people reportedly only make up less than 10 percent of the population, our dating pool is significantly limited when you look at it this way.

Then you have to sift through compatibility factors (attraction, values alignment, personality, sexual style, etc.), including additional screening measures unique to gay men (top versus bottom, out versus closeted, STI status, etc.)

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Complicating this situation further is it has been shown gay men disproportionately suffer more problems with substance abuse and mental health issues than their straight counterparts.

Is it any wonder why there are so many single gay men frustrated with the difficulties in finding a quality catch?

While quality is more important than quantity, the chances of finding a suitable mate are increased when immersed in an area where there is a larger pool of dating candidates to meet and screen.

It is still possible to find a boyfriend when living in a small community. However, it will likely be more challenging based on the lower numbers and invisibility of these men in these areas.

Here are my top tips for gay daters in small communities:

1. Move to a gay metropolis

If you have the opportunity and means to move your life to an area where there is a higher concentration of gay residents, this could be an advantageous decision.

It still doesn’t guarantee the perfect boyfriend, but if you’re a gambling man, your odds are enhanced.bb098547333b1cf2a7d73bbacde

If this is something you can do, a recent 2014 study by The Advocate has identified the top 15 cities where gays and lesbians congregate and have a higher homogeneous population.

Some cities topping the list include Washington, D.C., Pasadena, California, and Seattle, Washington. 

2. Check out gay personals sites

Here you can write a detailed profile that contains your personal requirements for a partner and relationship in a way that attracts qualified prospects.

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Advanced technology has become a considerable asset for those living outside urban areas because it provides visibility of other gay single men who would otherwise be hidden and unknown.

You might never know that hot guy living across town was even gay if not for the availability of these online dating sites, and now more opportunities abound for meeting others in your local area that was never possible before the Internet.

3. Use gay dating apps

Apps like Grindr can be very advantageous dating tools because of their capability of showing geographical distance between0031e58b6e83cb25f285821b4ed

you and a potential prospect.

Similar to online dating sites, local guys could be just around the corner and you’d never know it without this new venue that’s now available.

Be careful with this one, however, as this also can be used as a hookup venue.

Be very clear in your profile about what you are seeking to weed out those individuals only looking for sex.

4. Start your own gay club or group

Advertise online, in newspapers, on Meetup.com or some other venue to attract other local gay men who may be hidden otherwise.

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This will help form a sense of community, reduce alienation, create a new source of support networking for friends and dating and give you a sense of empowerment and control in making some movement toward your ultimate goal of connection and possible dating opportunities.

So what are your thoughts about this dilemma? Should you move or stay put? What has your experience been? What advice might you give to someone who lives in a small community and can’t move to a large urban area?

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