5 (Critical) Things to Consider Before Having a Threesome

Gay Dating

5 (Critical) Things to Consider Before Having a Threesome

Brian Rzepczynski Brian Rzepczynski • 9/25/14

Did you see the latest DatingAdvice.com study that reports gay Americans are three times more likely to have a threesome?

What are your thoughts, and why do you think that is? Is it because gay men are more liberal and uninhibited when it comes to sexual activity?

Is it because we don’t have norms around sexuality like our heterosexual counterparts that we have to follow and therefore dance to the beat of our own drummer? Is it because we rebel against the moral majority as a marginalized group?

Whatever the reasons, some careful forethought should go into the decision about locking limbs with multiple partners since these scenarios can be more complex and complicated with the increased number of players involved, particularly if you’re in a committed relationship.

This article outlines some important considerations to ponder if you’re opting to pursue more sexual variety with a third.

1. Examine your motives

As with any decision you make, you’ll want to do some introspection to determine what the real reasons are that you want to partake in a threesome.

Examine your motives

It’s important your motivations for wanting to do it are for the right reasons to avoid regret and hurt feelings later on.

Do you seek sexual variety, freedom and experimentation of a consensual nature that will enrich your life? Probably OK!

If you’re doing it to appease a partner who is pressuring you and you’re afraid he’ll leave you if you don’t expand your boundaries, then this is more likely a bad idea that will plague you.

2. Conduct a pros/cons analysis

While this may feel like it’s taking the spontaneity and fun out of it, it’s always best with any decision to weigh the pros and cons of going for it versus refraining.Conduct a pros/cons analysis

If after weighing these options it seems like a good idea, you’ve done your due diligence in being responsible in exercising good judgment.

If you decide it’s not something you’re going to pursue, perhaps you could brainstorm other options or outlets for expressing your desires and fantasies.

3. Assess your relationship’s strength

If you’re in a committed relationship and the two of you have decided to include a third in your bedroom activities, it’s important to evaluate the strength of your bond and commitment to each other.

While they can be fun and add some extra spice to your sex life, threesomes add a whole new dimension and dynamic that requires a solid foundation for your relationship to rest upon.

Assess your relationship’s strength

No relationship is superficial. Having a three-way may be viewed as a wham-bam, no-strings attached arrangement, but there are always feelings involved.

Are either of you prone to jealousy or insecurity?

Inviting a third into the mix is usually not recommended until you and your partner have some mileage under your belts as a couple and have a solid relationship in place to buffer against any of these unforeseen issues that could arise.

New relationships need time to develop and mature first. You and your partner also will want to have a discussion about your beliefs and values about monogamy and non-monogamy to make sure you’re both on the same page before jumping into a threesome situation.

4. Make an appraisal of your sexual boundaries

Next, it’s prudent for you to take stock of your sexual likes, dislikes, preferences and limits. What will you do? What won’t you?

Being mindful of these boundaries will make for a better sexual experience and allow you to communicate these to your partners prior to the big event so there are no  Make an appraisal of your sexual boundaries

surprises or accidents.

This also would be a good time to establish safer sex guidelines so everyone is on the same page about expectations where this is concerned.

If you are in a committed relationship, you and your partner will want to discuss these boundaries at length with each other.

What is OK and not OK to do with the third? Is kissing OK? Anal?

Set these parameters in advance and you’ll be protecting your relationship’s interests. Communication is key.

5. Balanced play is ideal

Now the fun begins, as the three of you get naked and partake in your ménage a trois. A successful threesome is where each of the individuals gets plenty of balanced attention and play so nobody feels left out.

As difficult as it may be while you’re going at it hot and heavy, try to be mindful of equal treatment so everyone is satisfied (unless arrangements have been made ahead of time that differ from this model, such as one partner watches as the other two play, etc.)

Balanced play is ideal

If you’re in a committed relationship, it’s also recommended that you focus on each other as well during the interlude and to always make sure you have an active and fulfilling sex life as a couple.

The threesome should be a supplement to your erotic life so as not to interfere with your connection as partners.

Threesomes are not for everyone, and they requires everyone involved to take stock of what the experience means, to ensure you’re living in accordance with your values and beliefs and that they are approached with responsibility, integrity and an open mind.

This is just one suggested model for approaching three-way sexual experiences. The beauty of being gay is we can define our own paths to fulfillment in our relationships and sexuality without stereotyped expectations or norms.

It is essential, however, to know yourself, protect yourself and others and be communicative so if you do choose to pursue this option, you’ll be increasing the odds of the experience being a safe and enjoyable one for all involved.

What are your thoughts and feelings about threesomes? What have your experiences been like with them? What additional suggestions do you have to contribute to this discussion?


Photo sources: blogspot.com, jesterjournal.com, psu.edu, blogspot.com