Dating mistakes are not unique to gay men. They are common across every gender and whatever sexual agenda you are coming from. We’ve all had the Homer Simpson “Doh” moment when you just slap your forehead and wish the ground would open up and swallow you.
Remember, nobody is perfect (not even me as a dating and relationship expert), and mistakes will happen and should be viewed as useful learning experiences.
So what are the most common dating mistakes? In no particular order:
1. Thinking a hot guy will have a great personality.
It is sadly rare to find someone who is both amazingly pretty and has personality, professionalism and life goals that go further than the next scene party or gym workout.
Dating someone pretty does have obvious advantages. However, some conversation is usually required and a personality as interesting as a plank does start to grind after a while.
2. Going out with a guy whose reputation goes before him.
You say: “With me it’s different!” You may be right, but if he’s done it before, there is a good chance he’ll do it again. Never go into a relationship expecting to change someone — madness will surely follow.
3. Drugs and booze help you hook up.
If waking up feeling like a train wreck next to some guy whose name you can’t remember is what you want, then go get ‘em, tiger! Hopefully you won’t end up with long-term health problems.
“If something doesn’t
work, stop doing it.”
4. Bars are the only place to meet gay men.
Wrong. I agree bars are like a magnet for gay men (so are Liza Minnelli and Barbara Streisand), but gay guys go to many, many other places.
They also hold jobs down and go supermarket shopping. Bars are not the only place to meet gay guys.
5. You can’t find love online.
Wrong. I met my husband on an online forum. He posted a question about selling his house, I replied with my experience (I am that gay stereotype where it comes to homes and house interiors), and we got chatting from there.
There are stacks of dating websites out there. If they didn’t work, those websites wouldn’t be in business.
6. “That guy is way too hot to speak to.”
How many times I have heard that comment from my coaching clients. You can say hello to anyone.
Remember, “hot” guys have problems in the dating world too, especially when people just treat them like fresh meat.
“Hot” guys want do settle down too, and you could be just the sweet, sensitive guy he’s been looking for.
Have your opening line sorted — ask a question or compliment him on something (above the neck and below the ankle is a good rule to follow here): “I like your hair. Where did you have it styled?” Shake hands (and don’t grab his crotch).
This list can go on and on, but the best advice I can give you is this: If something doesn’t work, stop doing it and do something else instead.
If you have a dating disaster story you’d like to share for a future article, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.