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|Mary Gorham Malia • 11/05/15|
First, I just have to ask why do you want her back? Yes, I know you miss her. But do you miss her, or do you just hate being alone?
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If you honestly miss her, here are a few ideas for you to work with:
Stop calling her all the time. Stop texting her all the time. Stop emailing her all the time. Stop commenting on her Facebook posts or private messaging her or tweeting her all the time.
Stop being her headache and think about how you can extend love to her in a way that makes her FEEL at peace, safe and curious about you in a way she hasn’t felt in a while.
You want to stop creating the feeling you are pressuring her to get back together or you are demanding anything from her.
If you’ve been harassing her, its time for you to try something different.
Write her a letter. Send her a card in the mail. Really, this is powerful stuff in a day when everything happens by text.
Tell her you want to get back together but realize that is up to her to decide.
Now this is a hard one: Let her be right! Take responsibility for the relationship failing.
Own your part in what messed it up and do not throw her mistakes in her face — that’s a dead end. Let it go.
If your need to be right is more important than the relationship, that’s why you’re not together and you never will be back together if that’s your stance.
When you give her space, she can stop being on the defensive about you.
She can start to let her guard down and maybe peek into what’s going on in your world on Facebook or Twitter or through asking friends what’s up in your world and life.
When you create the vacuum of not communicating (which nature and all women abhor), she can start to get curious about you and what you’re doing.
She’ll start to think different thoughts about you.
Instead of thinking, “Damn her. She’s driving me nuts. When is she going to stop?” your ex-girlfriend starts to wonder, “Why am I not hearing from her? Gee, I wonder if she’s found someone else?”
Get it? By not communicating with her, she can finally start to miss you.
When she’s missing you, chances are you will hear from her eventually.
Now you need to continue to be patient! Don’t rush for the kill. Take your time. Continue to be mysterious and all the while be accepting of her.
Be kind and gracious to her. And if you’re really serious about rekindling this relationship and making it work, then take on my 90-day challenge.
For 90 days, you don’t complain to her. You act selflessly.
You stop being focused on yourself and your needs and you focus only on her and what can support her, help her, make her feel better and ultimately make her feel your love.
Love is NOT selfish. Love has no expectation of return. Do you love like that? Or do you keep score?
For 90 days, you stop keeping score and you give and give and give with no expectation of return.
For 90 days, you find ways to compliment her. For 90 days, you take the high road and stop being a bitch yourself. For 90 days, you listen to her deeply and stop interrupting her.
You love her, forgive her foibles, don’t pick on her mistakes, compliment her bad cooking or whatever it was you somehow couldn’t stand when you were together.
You change your song from being mad to being sweet, loving and accepting — sweet enough to accept her habits that were making you crazy.
What she wants, you do. What she asks for, you provide as much as is in your power to do.
And finally recognize if you’d done the 90-day challenge before the breakup, you might never have broken up. Yes, it’s that powerful.
There is no guarantee you can win your gay girl back, but if you’ll stop being the pain in her neck and start acting like a loving and giving friend and lover, you just might win her back.
Are you ready for the 90-day challenge? Leave a comment below if you’re committing to the challenge and come back and tell us what happens.
Photo source: dalje.com.