In a merciless gay community where you’re labeled “over the hill” after the age of 30 (and even younger in some circles!), it can be extremely challenging for those single gay men in midlife and beyond who are serious about dating to find quality partners who are also seeking a relationship.
Until gay culture gets a radical makeover, stops glamorizing youth and overcomes its ageist attitudes, the harsh reality is the silver generation of gay men may have a smaller dating pool to choose from.
While this may be a realistic barrier for some, it doesn’t have to be insurmountable. The good news is if you’re among this cohort, you’re not alone and you’re in good company. There are a lot of qualified prospects among this group, so how do you go about increasing the odds of success in finding someone compatible who shares your values and dreams for a lasting partnership?
Keeping in mind that dating is more art than science, here are a variety of tips to help you along your journey to finding Mr. Right when you’re over 50 and on the market for love:
1. Embrace Your Age and Maturity
To be a hot commodity in the dating market, regardless of one’s age, it’s important to have healthy self-esteem. To allow oneself to become jaded and bitter about the ageist mistreatment that exists only causes personal suffering and could potentially block real dating opportunities from being recognized.
Sexiness is an attitude that is attainable by anyone at any age. Take stock of all the reasons why you’re a good catch as an older man and lead with that confidence in all social interactions.
Your experience, maturity, wisdom and accomplishments can make you very appealing, and it’s important to honor where you’re at during this particular juncture of your life because it’s well-deserved. Surround yourself with other like-minded individuals and read books that affirm your identity and stage of life. I like “Golden Men: The Power of Gay Midlife” by Harold Kooden and Charles Flowers.
2. Be Visible and Proactive
The older we get, the easier it can be to get to comfortable with our ways and routines. Now is the time to mix things up, get out there and seek new adventures.
Align yourself in venues that match your personal interests, talents and values so you can meet other gents with similar tendencies. Become active in your local gay community, volunteer for charities that you value and create your own events or functions that could attract other single gay men. MeetUp.com can be a great forum for this.
3. Spread Yourself Across a Variety of Dating Venues
Avoid limiting yourself to one particular dating venue. Many people become too dependent on dating personal sites, for example, and this restricts your exposure to meeting a variety of prospects.
Consider some of the venues listed above, and when doing a dating personals ad, be sure to have a captivating headline that draws people in and inject some humor in the text of your ad to be memorable. It’s also important that you sprinkle your personal requirements for a relationship and partner in the ad to help attract the right kind of men.
It’s all about the quality, not quantity. Unfortunately the great majority of gay personal ads tend to be disguised hookup sites, so be clear about your relationship intentions.
Two sites that I’ve heard positive feedback about are OneGoodLove.com and OurTime.com.
4. Take Note of Your 50+ Gay Brothers
While we all have our specific turn-ons and attractions, it’s important that we not take for granted that there are a lot of hot 50+ gay men out there seeking love and companionship. Avoid falling victim to the glamorization of youth.
I hear all too often from older singles that guys their age only seem to be interested in the younger men, and this is a huge missed opportunity to limit your dating to only a specific prototype of person. Don’t judge a book by its cover, and be open and receptive to all options.
Expand your erotic template and pay close attention to all the goodness and sexiness that an older gay man can bring to the table.
5. Lead a Balanced Life
Feed your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual selves to make yourself as whole a person as you can, thereby assisting you with being emotionally and physically available for love when it presents itself.
Since men tend to be visual by nature, work at keeping your body in tip-top shape while living your life with vitality. This will send out vibes that you’re the kind of guy people want to be around and invest in.
What are some other tips that you can share with our readers? What strategies have been successful for you?
Photo sources: Starcasm.net, Business2Community.com, Tumblr.Ific.com, Community.MyFitnessPal.com