How to Date a Lesbian with Dogs

Lesbian Dating

How to Date a Lesbian with Dogs

Mary Gorham Malia Mary Gorham Malia • 9/25/14

Dogs are their own version of love machines. They are loyal and true. They never lie or cheat.

They don’t steal your stuff or crash the car. They don’t scream, holler, yell or throw your belongings out the window.

Dogs are really cool that way.

What dogs do is bring a consistent flow of happiness into their lesbian’s life. And yes, if we have a dog, the dog owns us. We are her people.

I share my life with a small black poodle. She is the queen of the roost and much of life revolves around ensuring Rose has all she needs.

In the meantime, she celebrates every single time I walk in the house. It’s like I’ve come back from overseas. She jumps and hops and throws her toys around to say she is so happy to see me.

I’ve never had a woman I’m dating do that. And no matter how my dating life is going, Rose is ever true and not going anywhere.

The girlfriend, well, it hasn’t always worked out quite as well.

As a non-dog person for most of my life, I’ve discovered 10 reasons lesbians love their dogs and why you should too!

1. Few emotions.

Dogs do not have to process every emotional event that happens for hours, days or weeks.

Dogs get over every disappointment and misunderstanding in the moment it takes to complete a breath.

They will never remind you a year or two or ten later you made a mistake and they still remember. Phew.

2. Dogs don’t want to wear your clothes.

They don’t want to dress up like they are your lesbian twin sistah. They also don’t steal your clothes, ruin them in the wash or leave them laying around everywhere in the house.

3. Dogs don’t get PMS.

They don’t flip out over nothing and then realize they are starting their period so you can’t hold it against them.

4. Dogs never argue over what’s on TV.

They don’t care what sport you are watching or what team you love. You are their team. You are their star player.

They root for you to win all the time. They are your cheerleaders and always think you are star quality and deserve to be adored and put on a pedestal.


“Stick around long enough and her dog

will become your biggest cheerleader, too.”

5. Dogs always want to go everywhere with their lesbian.

You say, “Hey, let’s go for a ride.” Your dog says “WAG!” Which means “Hell yeah! Let’s go. I’m ready right this instant.”

Your girlfriend wants to know where are we going and why are we going there, or she’s too tired or doesn’t want to do that or will even will tell you it’s a stupid idea.

You’ve got to wait while she gets showered and dressed while she tells you why your idea is silly.

Dogs think every idea you have is amazing!

6. Dogs like to have fun.

Dogs are a no-drama zone most of the time, except for those training mishaps or perhaps a chewed shoe here and there.

We all know the lesbian-girlfriend zone is fraught with drama, and your dog is sitting there waiting to have plain old fun.

7. Food is simple with dogs most of the time.

You put it in any old bowl and put it on a clean or dirty floor. They eat it. Happily.

There isn’t a single girlfriend you’ll ever have that is that simple and easy when it comes to food.

There are diets, allergies, irritated bowels and the foods they hate that you love.

Your dog is happy to let you eat whatever you want, whenever you want it and often is also happy to share it with you. No questions asked.

If you like it, your dog likes it, or at least will try to like it.

8. Dogs are great footstools and foot warmers.

They never complain that your hands or feet are cold. They’ll snuggle up with you wherever and whenever they can. Dogs are so welcoming of touch anytime.

You’re girlfriend may be opposed to PDAs. Your dog is not.

Your girlfriend might not want to have your cold feed pressed up against her butt in bed, but your dog is ready for the job of foot warmer anytime and any day.

9. Constant affection.

Perhaps your girlfriend is the type who won’t roll over in the morning to give you a big kiss unless you get out of bed and brush first.

Dogs know their breath usually smells worse than the garbage, so they don’t care what yours smells like either. They are full of kisses any time you’d like.

Affection is one of their special skills. Dogs are abundantly affectionate, and why not get as much as you can? It’s good for your soul and the dog’s, too.

10. Dogs always adore their owners.

It goes way beyond liking their lesbians. Dogs adore their lesbian.

They will jump, dance, twirl, run, bark and follow you everywhere. The loyalty of a dog is without question, unlike your girlfriend.

After a few weeks of dating, she’s not so excited when you text her. After a few months, she’s not working so hard at looking great when you pick her up for a date.

You are feeling less than adored, but turn to your dog and he’s pouring out adoration on you.

It’s hard to play second fiddle to a dog, but it’s more like letting the goodness of a dog into your life too when you’re dating a lesbian with dogs.

You can’t compete so don’t try. Take in the adoration, playfulness, instant happiness and enjoy it.

Stick around long enough and her dog will become your biggest cheerleader, too.

Would you date someone with a dog?

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