Lesbians, Listen Up: Two Dates Does Not Mean We’re a Couple
|Mary Gorham Malia • 11/09/12|
Are you listening to this? Two dates doesn’t mean we’re a couple! That’s way too soon, even if the sex is great. It’s was too early to consider yourself attached to someone, who honestly, gay girls, is an almost total stranger.
Now she might be the hottest stranger you’ve been able to get two dates with in a long time. She might be the nicest, kindest and gentlest woman you’ve spent a few hours with in years.
You could be all excited because you’ve finally met someone who wants to hike the Appalachian Trail, the Pacific Crest Trail and cycle the Blue Ridge Mountain Parkway.
But I’m not changing my mind. Two dates does not make a couple and neither does three dates.
The gist of what I want to say is to stop rushing into calling everything a relationship. Dating is something we do to have fun, to get to know a woman and find out if she’s someone we want to get to know more deeply.
The big hurdle for lesbians is that once we’ve tipped the velvet and swung into bed with each other, we’ve got some kind of weird chemical connection that makes us feel connected.
It’s true that our body chemistry does this, but the rest of you — your mind and body — are in a different place. That amazing orgasm does create an immediate emotional connection, and OMG, that can so get you into trouble in the short and long run.
So I’m going to keep this tip short and sweet. You are not in a real relationship after two dates (or three or four). You may FEEL there is a lot of potential. You can be really excited about how much fun you are having and how much you have in common. Those feelings are so much fun.
“Dating is about finding out
who a woman really is.”
When can you say you are in a relationship?
My advice is to wait three to six months. Keep your eyes open to see if your deepest values are shared with this woman you are dating. Keep your eyes open and ask questions that let her reveal if you both want the same or similar things in life.
If after a few months it’s clear she doesn’t want to get married and you do, then you’ve got some choices to make. Let go of your dream to stay with her or move on.
Many budding relationships start to crack at about the three-month mark. If it is showing signs of wear and tear already, take that as a sign that it’s not going to work very well at the three-year mark.
The next big marker is the six-month mark. How are you doing at six months? Still mostly have a lot of fun with each other? Or are the fights and disagreements escalating? Woops! Again, not a great sign.
The biggest mistake gay girls make is to believe your lover will change or you can make her change. You can’t. You do know this but you keep running the fantasy romance movie in your head that she’s changing for you.
Stop that. Dating is about finding out who a woman really is in her deepest parts and not about figuring out if you can change her.
She can’t change you. You can’t change her. And two dates is not a relationship!