Welcome back to the second installment of our article series on the characteristics that can help you become an “attraction magnet” in the gay dating market. If you missed Part 1, you can access it here. So what else personifies sexy? Let’s get back into it!
8. Practicing the fine art of courtship.
Whoa! Pull back on the reins and slow things down a bit! One of the most sabotaging behaviors in new dating relationships is to rush things too quickly. This is no easy feat, particularly with all the excitement and raging hormones and chemistry that goes along with a new infatuation.
After finally meeting someone with whom you click with and believe might be a good match after all the previous disappointments you’ve experienced, it can be very easy to prematurely rush the relationship to advanced stages of intimacy (like having sex early on or disclosing too much personal information too soon) before a foundation of trust and security has been established to sustain potential challenges that might be faced.
Let the relationship evolve naturally and, to use an old-fashioned term, “court him.” One of the big aphrodisiacs of relationships is mystery and intrigue…so keep him on his toes and learn how to pace things, inspire desire and romance him.
There’s plenty of time for commitment once you’re sure it’s truly right.
7. Appearance matters.
While this may be a controversial factor, the truth of the matter is that the majority of men are visual creatures and will initially be drawn to your physical aesthetics. But you don’t have to be an Adonis!
The great thing about attraction is that it doesn’t necessarily discriminate. Turn-ons vary by individual and there’s no set standard on what’s appealing to everyone, no matter how hard society and the gay community tries to glamorize certain looks as being the preference.
And remember that no matter how good looking someone is, a negative and arrogant demeanor can immediately kill the buzz he may have initially generated.
Being sexy is more attitude than appearance. Doing your best to look good (exercise, nutrition, clothing, etc.) is definitely an asset, but other components are also needed to round out your presentation to spark interest in admirers.
Personality, self-confidence and charm always makes for a great package.
“There is nothing sexier than a
man who knows what he wants.”
6. Positivity counts!
Another sexy quality to possess is positivity. This means demonstrating a playful spirit, open-mindedness, receptivity and adventurousness.
How many dates have you had where the guy spent most of the time complaining, whining and sharing dating horror stories? Not sexy!
This gives the impression of pessimism and depression that can be a real downer and can cause a bolt reaction from your dating prospect.
Life can be hard enough sometimes, so most people like to surround themselves with others who are upbeat, uplifting and who can make them laugh.
Incorporate these aspects into your repertoire, and you’ll be signaling a “You’re going to want to get to know me” vibe.
5. Having self-confidence and strong self-esteem.
There is nothing sexier than a man who knows what he wants and carries himself with self-assuredness and command.
This can be a particularly difficult achievement to claim if your past contains a variety of experiences in which you were belittled, hurt and made to feel “less than” since these situations become internalized in the personality and can be difficult to shake.
However, you do have the power to eradicate the strengths these negative thoughts and beliefs have over you.
Persistently challenging negative self-talk, replacing it with affirmative thoughts, seeing a therapist or a coach who can help you learn how to arrive at a greater self-concept, and learning how to take risks to accomplish your goals can all help.
Learning assertiveness training, taking an acting or improvisational class or participating in a public speaking group, such as Toastmasters, can all help you gradually acquire the skills of confidence.
Stay tuned next week for the final four! Have a wonderful day, and try to begin doing a self-assessment in terms of the areas you feel might be your strengths thus far, as well as those areas that could be considered “growth spots” where you could focus your attentions on building them up like muscles.