By analyzing recorded speed dating sessions, researchers from Stanford University have determined four minutes is enough time to forge a meaningful relationship.

Published in the American Journal of Sociology, the study consisted of nearly 1,000 heterosexual couples – mostly Stanford graduate students.

Researchers Dan McFarland and Dan Jurafsky used computer software to analyze and compare the couples while on several four-minute dates. Each participant also filled out a survey before and after the dates.

McFarland said he wanted to get a better understanding of why some couples experience an immediate connection while others do not.

“We wanted to get at what the essence of the connection is, what makes people feel like they bonded,” he said.

“Participants rated a higher level of connection

when the discussion focused on the woman.”

The results show how words are spoken, when and for how long determines if a couple will “click.”

Women reported more of a connection to dates who were sympathetic and supportive, while both men and women rated a higher level of connection when the discussion focused mainly on the woman.

“You could say men are self-centered and women are always trying to please men, but it turns out that’s just not true,” McFarland said. “This is a situation in life where women have the power. Women feel disconnected when they have to ask men questions or when men ask them questions.”

The study also found women were more likely to be selective in determining a connection with a date.

One of the post-date questions asked whether each partner would be interested in seeing the person again on a more complete date. In such cases where both were interested, a real date was arranged.

Source: Standford University. Photo source: hotdatehot.com.

Seriously, let’s do a breakdown of historical chivalry and how men are misguided in modern chivalry.

According to Wikipedia:

“Chivalry is only a name for that general spirit or state of mind which disposes men to heroic actions. They submit to knightly virtues, honor, courtly love, courtesy and less martial aspects of the tradition. Knights were required to tell the truth at all times and always respect the honor of women.”

Was anyone else blown away that we use the word chivalry like it has any relation to the above?

Since when is pulling out a chair or opening a door heroic or honorable? Does it protect a woman or some bystander in some way?

I’m not a raging, angry feminist thinking guys that do this are ridiculous.

I genuinely think a woman should respect a man’s effort to be nice to her, but I’m tired of hearing about it in online dating profiles like it’s some kind of dating merit badge.

It’s not that impressive! You SHOULD treat your dates nice. This isn’t anything to brag about. You didn’t lift a car off a body or jump in front of a train.

“If you want to claim that chivalry badge,

you need to do more than open a door.”

There’s a Chris Rock joke I’ll botch, but basically it makes fun of guys that get all cocky and say, “I take care of my kids.”

And Chris Rock is like, “Yeah, you’re supposed to! You had kids. They need to be taken care of. That’s not anything special you’re doing!”

That’s how I feel about these guys that tout their chivalry in their online dating profile.

When’s the last time you took off your jacket and laid it out over a puddle? Did men actually do this?

I guess I am sad modern chivalry has become synonymous with opening a door and that it distinguishes guys as good guys.

As an American woman living in the UAE, Jessica feels American men are grossly lacking in the chivalry department compared to her dates abroad.

“Most of my dates bring me presents before every date and have flowers hand-delivered after every date,” she said. “Also, a lot of men here will get up and walk you to the bathroom and wait for you so you don’t have to walk through the bar/restaurant/hotel alone.”

While I prefer not to have anyone waiting outside the bathroom for me, I do have some rules for Western men.

Rules of chivalry you can easily follow:

• When you’re talking to a girl, don’t stare at the other chick’s ass that just walked by. Her eyes are on yours, buddy. She can see what you’re looking at.
• You should never, ever, ever let her pay for the first date. No Dutch. If she’s nice enough to offer, you better vehemently refuse and act insulted. Generosity is attractive. Being cheap implies selfishness. When you allow her to pay, you look cheap and selfish.
• You should drive to her. Don’t split the distance.
• You park and walk to the door to pick her up.
• You should plan the date based on what she likes (use Yelp, guys).
• Be consistent. Save turning hot/cold for your morning showers. Do what you say.
• You should walk her to her door and make sure she got home safe. Or text her to make sure she got home safe.
• Open her car door.
• If a woman has to take a cab without you, pay for it.
• Walk on the side of the woman that is closest to the street.
• Help an older woman with anything. Give up your seat.
• Don’t expect anything in “return” for taking her out.
• Don’t flirt with her friends or the staff.
• Order her drink at the bar. Bonus Points: Buy her friend’s drink, too.

None of these things are terribly hard – not nearly as hard as being a medieval knight. And they will make a great impression on your date.

But if you really want to claim that modern-day chivalry merit badge, you need to be doing a lot more than opening a door or pulling out a chair.

Fellas, what does modern chivalry look like to you?

Photo source: avoiceformen.com.

Specifically, I wanted to talk about things I learned about love and dating from watching the Internet’s favorite sitcom.

1. Cousins are dangerous.

Listen, everyone has the cousin they think is hot.

In some places, a relationship with you might be well within the bounds of the law. What’s more, the chances of having a deformed monster baby are pretty minimum, unless you both have parents that are also first cousins.

But remember what Michael says at the end of the series: If things go south, you’re going to seriously strain your relationship with your entire family.

2. Don’t date your mother.

Ah, who can forget when Buster lands in the arms of Lucille 2, a veritable clone of his mother.

A lot of men make the mistake of dating their mothers, though few realize it. This is not only creepy, but it can also reinforce a lot of bad personal patterns you should be trying to grow out of.

Shoot for a woman who has great qualities that complement who you are as a person, not one that can play mommy to you a long time after it’s stopped being appropriate.

“Watch G.O.B. do everything you should never do,

including bragging about women he sleeps with.”

3. Your car doesn’t matter.

Michael gets a lot of dates, even when his primary mode of transportation is a bicycle or the stair car.

A lot of men, particularly where I live in Los Angeles, think their personality and worth is intimately bound up with what kind of car they drive.

Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. The right woman is going to like you for who you are, not what you drive. Stop stressing about your ancient Honda Accord and start taking pride in what’s yours.

4. Learn how to give back rubs.

One thing everyone can agree on – Buster Bluth can give a back rub. If there’s one thing ladies love, it’s a man who can make them relax with a nice back rub.

Some men are naturally gifted in this regard and I’m proud to count myself as one of them. For everyone else, you can take a class or three that will get your back rub skills in tip-top shape.

Then you’ll be known as a man who knows how to make a woman feel good in more ways than one.

5. G.O.B.

George Oscar Bluth Jr., better known as G.O.B., is a walking cautionary tale. He’s an entire graduate course in what not to do in social situations concentrated into one person.

Watch the show and watch G.O.B. do everything you should never do, including having sex with women to spite his brother, bragging too much about the women he sleeps with and generally treating women in a less than gentlemanly way.

Remember, it’s not just about bagging as many women as you can. It’s also about treating everyone around you with respect and having a reputation as an upstanding man with high values.

And that’s why you get your dating lessons from watching television.

Are you ready for the “Arrested Development” premiere? What dating and love lessons have you learned from the show?

Photo source: pmcvariety.wordpress.com.

When you’re on a first date that’s going well, do you lean in for the kiss? Or do you prefer to wait?

New research shows a majority of Americans don’t mind locking lips on the first date.

In a sweeping study conducted by DatingAdvice.com, more than two-thirds of Americans said they’ve kissed on a first date, with men 15 percent more likely to gain that kiss than women.

Out of more than a thousand respondents, gay men and women ranked the highest. Eight out of 10 admitted they’ve smooched on the first date – 10 percent more than their heterosexual counterparts.

“Two-thirds of Americans have kissed on a

first date, with men 15 percent more likely.”

Dr. Wendy Walsh, clinical psychologist and DatingAdvice.com expert, said while other cultures may interpret a kiss as a greeting or other general form of affection, Americans usually see it as a sign of sexual attraction.

“Plenty of dating couples are known to do a serious tongue waltz before they’ve even seen each other’s apartments,” she said.

The results show location and ethnicity may also be a factor, as 76 percent of respondents in the Northeast said they’ve kissed on a first date compared to just 66 percent of Midwesterners.

White men and women were 25 percent more likely than African-Americans to report a first date kiss, but African-Americans were twice as likely as Asians to answer in the affirmative.

Dr. Walsh said the study suggests Americans have a liberal attitude toward sexual situations and behaviors and may even feel pressured to become physically intimate before emotionally intimate.

“In our modern American culture, a kiss on the lips between two people on a romantic date is most certainly a sign of sexual attraction by at least one of the kissing partners, usually the one who makes the first move,” she said. “The other partner may comply in order not to offend their date, even though they have no plans to see the person again.”

The study surveyed 1,080 respondents over the course of three weeks, balancing responses by age, gender, income, race, sexuality and other factors in order to accurately represent the U.S. population. The study has a margin of error of +/- 2.8%.

The Breakdown: Americans Who’ve Kissed on the First Date

By gender:

• Male: 75%
• Female: 65%

By sexuality:

• Straight: 70%
• Gay: 83%

By marital status:

• Single, Never Married: 64%
• Married: 73%
• Divorced: 78%

By age:

• 18 to 24: 58%
• 25 to 34: 63%
• 35 to 44: 68%
• 45 to 54: 76%
• 54 to 64: 76%
• 65 and older: 74%

By race:

• White: 75%
• African-American: 60 %
• Hispanic: 63%
• Asian: 29%

By income:

• Under $25,000: 60%
• $25,000 to $49,999: 71%
• $50,000 to $74,999: 74%
• $75,000 to $99,999: 75%
• $100,000 to $124,999: 73%
• $125,000 or higher: 74%

By region:

• Northeast: 76%
• Midwest: 66%
• South: 67%
• West: 70%

Visit DatingAdvice.com/Studies for more research on dating and relationship topics. Relationship expert Dr. Wendy Walsh is a frequent contributor on CNN and other major networks and is the author of the new book “The 30-Day Love Detox.” Photo source: moviebetter.com.

What’s worse is they are dining with a couple who had been their closest mutual friends!

Rather than proceeding on and licking her wounds, she finds her body consumed with some unexplainable angry feeling. As if driven by some force, she parks her car, walks into the restaurant and launches into a scene.

She all but ignores the new girlfriend and reams into her ex, snidely asking if there was perhaps some overlap in their relationships. She wonders how her man can have another girlfriend so quickly.

She is hell bent for revenge. And the table is appalled.

The next day, the woman herself is rife with embarrassment. She knows they had been broken up for two months. Why had she done such a thing?

The result of a classic attachment injury.

An attachment injury is a rupture in a relationship at a critical moment of need. And it can make people behave in senseless ways.

In fact, that evening the woman had been reeling from the emotional toll of dealing with a friend suffering from cancer. When she passed the restaurant, she was driving home from the hospital.

Overwhelmed with feelings of fear, sadness and impending loss, her unconscious instinct was to navigate toward her familiar secure base. It may have been fate that took her to that restaurant, but something else walked her in the door.

On an emotional level, she saw her secure base (her boyfriend of four years) had fully abandoned her, thus the anger.

“Look through these situations with

the thinking part of your mind.”

On a conscious level, everyone knows better.

But the emotional mind works on its own time clock. Since the woman hadn’t yet created another secure base, an emotional safe haven, a person to receive comfort from, her reflex was to hope to find it in her previous go-to person – her ex.

Believe it or not, her unexplained anger was actually a silent bid for care. She felt utterly rejected and angry because she was feeling needy – as much as she hated to admit it.

And the added pain that he was dining with their mutual friends as if they were abandoning her too put her over the top. Her relationship was her go-to place and that night it wasn’t there for her.

Of course, on an intellectual level, she knew they were broken up, but her most tender attachment brain hasn’t learned that yet.

The solution?

Look through these situations with the thinking part of your mind to help the emotional part of your mind reframe things.

Time may heal attachment injuries and thoughtful work with a therapist can help you leave attachment injuries behind when you enter a new relationship.

A life of constant re-injury is not a life of loving relationships.

Ladies, have you ever acted like a crazy ex-girlfriend? I’d love to hear your stories.

Photo source: coedmagazine.wordpress.com.

It wasn’t just Freud who posited “What do women want?” Baby boomer single men in their 50s and 60s are now facing a modern dating world where the relationships desired are a bit different than those they sought out when they were in their 20s.

Which raises the question not just “What do women want?” but “What do baby boomer women want in a relationship now?”

When you are giving your senior woman what she wants in her inner heart, then you are the man who wins her entire heart.

1. Be kind.

Once you are into your 50s and older, then you have already started to notice the need for more friends in your life. But you’ve probably also noticed the greater need for mutual support.

Maybe you have been the one to wrangle up a group of friends to help the recently widowed church member take care of her yard.

A mature woman wants a man who is kind and caring more than she wants the cocky guy in his 30s, whom she now just finds tedious and immature.

“She doesn’t seek you to take care

of her like a pampered princess.”

2. Be interesting.

While she does want a man with a kind heart demonstrated in his gestures, behaviors and habits, she doesn’t want a boring pushover. Midlife women still want life to be interesting.

Perhaps she herself is now retired and enjoying traveling. She seeks a man who would make for a fun and interesting companion in her life now.

3. Be financially viable.

Single women over 50 are no longer looking for a sugar daddy prince to sweep them off of their feet and provide for them financially at the 100 percent level that some women in their 20s and 30s still are.

Yes, she wants you to be financially stable and viable enough that you have socked away some assets into your retirement savings and own your own home.

But since you two are not looking to start a family like the 20-somethings are, she doesn’t seek you take care of her like a pampered princess.

Fellas, what do think is the most important attribute a senior man can have to win the heart of a baby boomer lady?

Photo source: girls4godmagazine.com.

Our 10 Best British Dating Blogs have all the charm, quirk and cheekiness you’d expect from the Brits, so have fun taking a look around. Cheers!

Smarter Datingsmarterdating.co.uk

Bragging Rights: Connecting singles

SmarterDating is a British dating blog like no other. From online dating tips to advice for plus size daters, there is no lack to the variety of content. The best part about SmarterDating is its focus on technology, which includes videos, apps, profile writing services and more! If you’re looking to emotionally and digitally connect with other daters, look no further.

Social Clout: 4,512+ followers, 210+ likes

URL: http://www.smarterdating.co.uk/

Jo Hemmingsjohemmings.co.uk

Bragging Rights: Specialized advice

Known as “The U.K.’s #1 Relationship and Dating Coach,” Jo Hemmings is the go-to for singles dealing with any dating problem, whether it’s mastering online mingling or confidence issues. Hemmings is a bright, thoughtful and effective coach who caters her advice to each client. She’s also written five books and has been featured numerous times on BBC. Can many people say that?

Social Clout: 19,540+ followers, 395+ likes

URL: http://www.johemmings.co.uk/

The Dating Doctorthedatingdoctor.co.uk

Bragging Rights: The dating doctor is in

Do you have a fever only Love Potion #9 can fix? Peter Spalton, aka The Dating Doctor, has the prescription you need. Spalton is all about curing the dating and relationship illnesses that are keeping you from finding your mate. He is also an expert in flirting, dating, seduction, body language and so on. Follow Spalton’s advice and you’ll feel better in the morning.

Social Clout: 3,540+ followers, 2,551+ likes

URL: http://www.thedatingdoctor.co.uk/

Hayley Quinnhayleyquinn.com

Bragging Rights: Go inside a woman’s mind

Since growing up a “chubby, poor geek in rural England,” Hayley Quinn knows where frustrated daters are coming from. Quinn has dedicated her life to helping people achieve their own dating success through tailor-made advice and powerful insights. Not only does she offer realistic tips, she also teaches daters to harness the power of text, email and the Internet – what modern daters need.

Social Clout: 1,440+ followers, 490+ likes

URL: http://www.hayleyquinn.com/

Muddy Matchesmuddymatches.co.uk

Bragging Rights: The country people dating site

Do you prefer riding horses instead of riding in limos? Well, you’ve come to the right place. MuddyMatches is the go-to dating site for country people and those looking for country people. MuddyMatches has been uniting country-minded daters from all walks of life since 2007. The content is fun, entertaining and light, with titles like “How Muddy is Your Profile?”

Social Clout: 1,704+ followers, 413+ likes

URL: http://www.muddymatches.co.uk/

Dating Coachdatingcoach.me.uk

Bragging Rights: Helping everyone find their soul mate

Led by professional life coach Jo Barnett, DatingCoach.me.uk has a gentle and encouraging approach to dating and relationship advice. Barnett really connects with her audience by sharing her firsthand experiences. Readers feel an intimate connection with her, which means they can trust her tips. Barnett’s passion is to help everyone find the one they’re meant to be with.

Social Clout: 353+ likes, 57+ followers

URL: http://www.datingcoach.me.uk/

Johnny Casselljohnnycassell.com

Bragging Rights: Sophistication

Johnny Cassell is a pickup artist and dating expert for the elite who once believed he had no chance with women – that is, until he started learning from the naturals. He used those techniques to improve his game and is now paying it forward. Cassell gets men the results they want, and he believes you have to improve every aspect of your life if you want to be successful in love.

Social Clout: 831+ followers

URL: http://www.johnnycassell.com/

Drawing Down the Moondrawingdownthemoon.co.uk

Bragging Rights: Thousands of matches to prove it

Mary Balfour is a matchmaker and dating coach who has been running Drawing Down the Moon, a London-based dating agency, for more than 24 years. With her experience comes the need to address the tough dating topics, like aging and appearance. Balfour is everything you want in a matchmaker and coach – charming, helpful and always honest.

Social Clout: 440+ followers, 356+ likes

URL: http://www.drawingdownthemoon.co.uk/

Paula Rosdolpaularosdol.com

Bragging Rights: Knowledge = Power = Love

Paula Rosdol runs the London School of Love and is here to educate you in the ways of dating, courting, mating, romancing and beyond. Rosdol wants readers to take control of their love lives through her personalized multi-step plan to finding “The One.” With knowledge in the latest dating trends, including online dating, sophisticated singles and easy-to-obtain sex, Rosdol knows her stuff.

Social Clout: 750+ followers

URL: http://www.paularosdol.com/

We Love Dateswelovedates.com

Bragging Rights: Don’t go through dating challenges alone

We Love Dates is a popular dating site that offers quality articles about dating, relationships, love, sex, seniors, breakups – you name it. A group of talented writers share their personal and touching experiences in all matters of the heart. It’s like talking to your BFF. The advice is also candid and witty while being practical and cutting edge. It’s all there waiting for you!

Social Clout: 10,284+ followers, 4,900+ likes

URL: http://www.welovedates.com/

Featured photo source: favim.com.