A healthy sex life is massively important to any relationship but initially instigating it can be tricky. Women more so than men can feel pressured if they think sexual expectations are introduced too early in the relationship, but waiting runs the risk of her feeling like you aren’t attracted to her.
Here are a few suggestions to help you find the right balance between too soon and never.
1. Talk about it.
If you’ve been in a relationship long enough to be worrying about getting intimate, you should be comfortable enough around each other to openly talk about sex. Try to let the topic come up organically, because forcing it might make her feel awkward.
Talk about your expectations in terms of time frame and listen to hers, but don’t instigate a ticking clock. Don’t make her feel like if she’s not ready by date six, then you’re not going wait, and don’t assume because she waited a month with her ex that you shouldn’t make a move before then.
Be honest and open with your needs and wants in the bedroom without getting a little pink in the cheeks, but leave yourself some room for spontaneity. Sex should be fun and an expression of affection. Try to avoid making it feel like a scheduled conflict.
2. Make your intentions apparent.
Guys’ appetite for sex is a bit of a cliche, but in the real world boys can have just as many hangups as girls. Maybe you’ve been dealing with an ex or feeling bad about your body after weight gain. It’s not always women who suffer from these.
If your relationship is in a place where you’re ready to introduce sex, make it clear that is your goal. Go away for the weekend or have your roommates clear out. Go on a hot date or make her favorite dinner.
She’ll take the hint. This gives her a chance to get her sexy on (nothing worse than getting caught in your granny panties) but still remain ultimately in control to keep from feeling pressured. If she sees the relationship is headed in a different direction, she’s probably not going to want to hit a bed and breakfast with you.
3. Don’t get discouraged.
All relationships are different but it can be hard not to have preconceived expectations. Sometimes you and your girl will be on the same page about when is the perfect time to get sexy, but don’t let it scare you off if you’re not.
If she needs more time to feel comfortable taking the step to get physical, don’t assume there’s something wrong with you, her or the relationship.
If things are going smoothly otherwise, try not to feel rejected. Showing her that you can be patient will let her see that you’re someone worth waiting for.