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|Randy Mitchell • 10/09/15|
Back in the ’90s, a girl I worked with was singing the praises of a book called “The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right.”
She would go on and on about how much it made sense, how it helped her dating life and how it contained the golden rules she was living by.
This book sold lots of copies and was widely read by women everywhere, but here’s the thing, that girl, some 20 years later, is still single and supposedly looking.
We’ve all read and listened to, through the press and other media outlets, rules we should all follow while dating — those pesky little sentences meant to guide us to the land of relationship bliss.
Do any of them work? Well, yes and no.
In my experience, rules were meant to be broken, and when it comes to intimacy, there are no rules. It all comes down to what works and what doesn’t within your particular relationship.
To clarify things a bit, I’ve come up with some of the top rules society thinks us guys should follow and why I think they are all stupid:
There are probably lots of women who will disagree with this one, but guess what? The year is 2014. Gas is $4 to $6 a gallon, job security is scarce and dinner in a mid-priced restaurant is $60 to $100 a pop.
Go out several times a week or month and you’ll be mortgaging your home and selling organs in no time trying to keep her happy.
In the old days of Andy Griffith, times were different — the man worked and the woman stayed home. Not to mention, things were much cheaper.
But again, it’s 2014 and couples everywhere are and should share the costs of social activities, especially since women work now more than ever.
On the first several dates, I firmly believe in the guy paying. After all, chivalry should never die and it shows respect and manners when you pick up the tab. That’s the role of being a man.
But after a while, if the relationship appears to be on solid ground, then both of you should somewhat share the financial burden. To validate this, I’ve known many professional women who agree here. It’s a mature approach to have.
Guys, if you’re dating someone who’s entrenched in the philosophy of you paying every time, forever, you might want to consider other options before your bank account runs dry.
This goes along with the false mindset of pretending not to care, therefore making her want you more. If you follow this rule, believe me when I say you’ll be alone forever.
Women want to feel wanted, needed and desired. If they are really into you, they’ll be checking their phones hoping your number will appear soon! Being standoffish and trying to act like Mr. Stud will only turn her off.
I’m not at all saying to call or text constantly like some psychotic stalker, but a simple call the following day expressing your gratitude for her time will go a long way.
I believe love can be found everywhere. It doesn’t discriminate, and that includes the workplace.
So if two people who just happen to be employed within the same environment are finding each other irresistible, then go for it and don’t let this silly rule affect your happiness.
That said, I do believe in being discreet. A workplace can be a cesspool of gossip, jealousy and political pandering, so don’t let your professional ambitions suffer because you’re daydreaming of carrying her to the supply closet during lunch hour for some heavy breathing.
Be cool about things and let your personal time be nobody’s business but your own.
This is a big pet peeve of mine. If you want to have a great relationship, then put out some effort and pick up the phone. Otherwise, turn on the tube, pop open a beer, throw on your favorite T-shirt (the faded one with the holes) and let the vegetating until old age commence.
That said, I get that people use texting now more than ever and it’s convenient when you don’t have time for conversation. However, relationships are all about sharing and intimacy, and a few words typed on a screen doesn’t do much for expressing either one.
The biggest problem with texting is miscommunication. You type one thing and she may interpret it another way, which can lead to a whole host of problems.
With texting, you also aren’t as spontaneous, interactive and realistic. It prevents personal bonding from getting deeper and closer, making things appear much more sterile and aloof.
Guys, don’t be lazy when it comes to communication. If you’re serious about her, show her respect by picking up the phone and forgetting about the keyboard.
The main purpose of dating is discovering if another person is a possible candidate for something much deeper. What that means is becoming vulnerable and throwing caution to the wind — to go for it and let the chips fall where they may.
Serious topics such as former relationships, finances, your prison record (haha) and even plans for the future should all come out sooner rather than later.
If you (or she) wait too long and discover things you don’t like, then you run the risk of months/years going by without finding solutions to the issues, if they’re even acceptable.
I’m not suggesting giving a girl your life’s story from beginning to end during the first week, but in order for a relationship to grow, a steady flow of personal information should grow as intimacy increases.
These are just a few of the rules I’ve seen promoted and I think should be dismissed. There are many others, and if you’d like to tell us some of yours, please leave us a comment below.
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