Sarah Cooper, of oolalove.com, describes her style as Cosmo meets The Onion. Today she takes a tongue-in-cheek approach to saving your marriage. Keep reading for her “bad advice.”
Whether you’ve been married to your wife for six years or six months, the fact is you’ve lost interest.
Sometimes relationships fall apart, and it’s hard to tell what’s wrong and how you can fix it.
Your friends might tell you to talk to her, go on a vacation or have a kid, but the answer to your rut might be simpler than you think. It’s true.
Like most people, you probably never even considered it, but a prostitute could be just the thing to save your marriage.
Here are six ways a prostitute could actually save your marriage and put you back on the path to a happy tomorrow.
1. Gives her time to do the laundry
If your wife hasn’t had time to do the laundry, and she keeps using you as an excuse, then getting a prostitute might give her the time she needs to do all those loads (while the prostitute is doing yours).
This will restore balance in your relationship and save you from a trip to the divorce attorney.
2. Spices things up in the bedroom
Want your wife to step her game up? Bring a prostitute into the bedroom. A little competition with a sex professional will make her realize her routine is tired.
Once she sees all the tricks that drive you wild, that spark will ignite her competitive side and she’ll be vying for your affections like a fat man at an ice cream festival.
3. Makes her forget about that incident with your secretary
Nothing will make her forget about your indiscretions with your secretary quite like a tryst with a prostitute.
The pain and sorrow she felt when she found out about you and Susan from the office will be nothing compared to what she’ll feel when she finds out about the prostitute. It will make her realize how good she had it, and it will save your marriage.
4. Real-time, interactive sex tips
Both you and your wife could benefit from someone telling you what you could do better in the bedroom. Hire a prostitute to watch you and give you pointers, like a coach correcting your tennis swing or your accountant fixing your finances.
A talented, well-seasoned prostitute can correct those small mistakes that lead to big alimony payments.
5. Makes her realize how desperate you are
Sure you’ve been complaining about the lack of sex and attention for months now, but does your wife or girlfriend really get it?
Obviously not because nothing has changed!
The only way she’s going to see how close she is to losing you is to discover your late-night chats with Samantha from Craigslist or your credit card receipts from a trip to the Bunny Ranch. This is a great way to save your marriage.
6. A good role model for your daughter
Your wife doesn’t work, and it’s really starting to set a bad example for little Stella.
You don’t want Stella to grow up thinking a man is going to take care of her all her life. You want her to know the value of an honest day’s work.
Getting a prostitute around the house will set that great example of a strong, independent working woman for your daughter that she so desperately needs.
Photo sources: corbisimages.com, someecards.com, lifeinprogress.ca, streetwise.co, buddytv.com, uproxx.com