Be a Boyfriend Instead of a Friend

Men's Dating

Be a Boyfriend Instead of a Friend

Jonathan Sankey Jonathan Sankey • 9/25/14

Ever met a woman you would love to have as your partner, but she can’t see you as anything more than just a friend? Don’t worry because you are about to learn:

  1. How to start from scratch by distancing yourself from her
  2. How to build the attraction by escalating physically and using push/pull
  3. How to bring out new sides of yourself

The friend zone explained:

If you fail to continually keep escalating your relationship with a girl, you can easily fall into the friend zone. This is the point where you two become such good friends that the woman no longer wants to risk your friendship by trying to take it up a notch.

Some say if you spend seven to 10 hours together and still do not kiss or have sex, you have fallen into the friend zone. Period.

Personally, I do not think you can quantify how long you have until you become friends instead of lovers. I believe if you do not work on creating attraction and escalating from the beginning of your interaction, you have already done yourself a disservice.

Start from scratch by distancing yourself.

If you feel you are in the friend zone already, you need to distance yourself from the woman of your interest. This may mean going cold with her for three to six months and then coming back and trying again with a clean slate.

As time passes, people’s feelings for one another cool off. By allowing that three- to six-month gap to pass, you have effectively started again from scratch.

You now need to start your relationship again with a sexual undertone. Physicality and push/pull is essential.

“She needs to feel as if she does

not fully know you anymore.”

Physical escalation and push/pull:

The reason why men often end up in the friend zone is they fail to demonstrate their true intentions by escalating physically. Escalating is simply starting with small everyday forms of touching (i.e. a pat on the back, a touch of the shoulder, a kiss hello. )

When one of these is done, you can then move to more sensual touching like keeping your hand on the lower part of their back or slipping your arm around their waist. Notice how I said “slipping” rather than placing.

On the other hand, push/pull means you are (verbally or physically) pushing the woman away and then pulling her back to you.

Pushing involves disapproving about something they have done or something about the way they are. You then reduce the effects of the push by giving them a compliment.

Bring out new sides of yourself.

Also, demonstrate things to her about yourself that she previously did not know. One of the things that will hinder your transition from the friend zone to the sexual is the fact she perceives you as the same old Jim/Bob/Steve/Sanjiv who she was friends with.

She needs to feel as if she does not fully know you anymore. Do things to catch her off guard like telling her an obscure story about yourself or revealing a hobby, fear or even a change of wardrobe.

Never change yourself just to try to win over one woman. She will sense it and think you are desperate. Just be sure to reveal things about yourself that are different to how she initially perceived you.

Photo source: