I Came on Too Strong. Can I Say Sorry?

Gina Stewart Gina Stewart • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I saw a girl on a rock music-themed dating site and it had a link to her Facebook page, which said where she works.

I drove to her job in Arizona from New York to ask her out. I never messaged her on the dating site. I just wanted to meet her in person and try the old-fashioned way.

I went in to see her the first time, complimented her, flirted a bit, asked her favorite color and left. She smiled a lot and seemed happy to talk to me.

I went back the next day with blue orchids and a blue stuffed bear holding a small sign that said “Go on a date with me?” She said no.

I noticed I came on way too strong. She has no idea I drove 3,000 miles to ask her out, and she doesn’t know I think she is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

Can I do something to tell her I’m sorry for coming on too strongly and hopefully get a second chance to start out slower as friends?

-Hopeless Romantic (Arizona)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

Oh, Cassanova. I know in your head you’ve made this grand gesture and knightly effort, and it’s a huge letdown to have to let it end without the fairy tale you’ve imagined in your head.

Unfortunately, you have to. There is no way to start over and what you’ve done goes beyond creepy. From a woman’s perspective, it’s borderline scary.

There is nothing you can possibly do to make it right. There are lots of beautiful girls – lots of them in your own city. Move on and don’t be so heavy so soon with the next girl.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.