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|Randy Mitchell • 9/25/14|
No matter if you’ve dated only a few women or many, there will always be that one placing a permanent imprint upon your mind.
Perhaps she’s “the one that got away” or she left battle scars along your chest that you’re still healing from. Or maybe, in your mind, you’re still trying to make it work despite her continued rejection.
There could also be repeated mutual attempts at long-lasting love that never seem to work out, keeping you from seeing other prospective partnerships because neither one of you can really let go.
Whichever is the case, and for whatever reason, the years go by with nothing to show because you’re always comparing and holding others to an invisible standard.
And the danger of clinging to past memories of her is how it affects your ability to really find one who suits you best.
Sometimes she could be standing right next to you, even living next door, but you can’t see her because your mind is still reeling and focused on another.
Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing bad about remembering past relationships, as long as you’re not obsessive about them or still burning that love candle in the dark.
It helps us realize what we like and don’t enjoy through past experiences. It makes us come to terms with what works while searching for and selecting a companion or partner.
But it can also confuse us if we’re holding on to tightly, especially if you’re comparing one face with another.
A healthy approach of benefiting from past relationships is simply to learn from them and move on.
It’s often difficult, especially if there was true love for her on your part, but my belief is everything happens for a reason and using the pain and pleasure of the past and applying it to your future in a beneficial way is always best.
“Healthy relationships begin
and end with a clean slate.”
One of the biggest complaints I’ve heard through the years from friends out there dating is when a love interest consistently brings up a former lover.
This could be a restaurant they frequented, a trip they went on, the clothes they wore, their sexual performance or a personality trait, making you feel uncomfortable and wondering if they’re truly ready for someone new.
And what this always does is deplete your motivation to try. It also dries up your energy levels, making you leave and quickly search for one not living in ancient history.
In the past, I’ve run across a few women who were horribly cheated on, dated raging alcoholics, were physically abused and even sexually violated by a father or stepfather.
Their wounds ran deep, with memories that will never leave, making them virtually unable to trust again.
It made me feel they were constantly watching me through a magnifying glass, just waiting for me to fall. I knew fairly quickly their feelings would keep our relationship from progressing further.
In my opinion, more time and even professional help was in order, but only they could decide when their timing was right.
If not, you’ve got some work to do before moving forward.
It’s never easy, especially with those who carved out a permanent niche inside your heart, but healthy relationships always begin and end with an emotionally clean slate.
Are you clinging to a former relationship, making it difficult to have new ones? Leave a comment below and we’ll do our best to answer it professionally.
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