Dating Guru Spills His #1 Secret on How to Talk to Women

Men's Dating

Dating Guru Spills His #1 Secret on How to Talk to Women

John Alex Clark John Alex Clark • 10/09/15

Most people think the process of falling in love is a random process determined by fate or destiny. They think it is outside of their control whether or not a person will fall in love with them and there’s nothing they can do about it. It simply either happens or it doesn’t.

This is not the case.

The reality is love is an emotion, and just like any other emotion, such as fear, stress or anger, it has controls. Love has controls, but we are simply not aware of them.

These controls are governed by our Lovemap, and if you know how to match the Lovemap of a specific person you like, you have control over the process of whether or not that person will fall in love with you.

How do you match a person’s Lovemap?

Persuasion psychology states the more indirectly you can make a point about something to someone, the higher your level of persuasiveness over that person is likely to be. This is why metaphors, parables and fables are so popular.

When you indirectly make a point, it has a higher impact on the person. As a result, parables and fables have been a popular means throughout history in getting a message across to the masses.

We can use this same principal when trying to display to the specific person you like that you match their Lovemap.

If you can show you satisfy a particular element of the person’s Lovemap, and communicate this point across in an indirect way by using a story, it will have a higher impact on communicating to that person’s subconscious that you are a match for them.

Here’s an example:

Let’s say you are a guy and you find out the particular girl you like is into health and fitness. It could be you found out from your research that:

  • She just happens to be into health and well-being and feels positive emotions whenever she’s discussing that topic.
  • Maybe she is self-conscious about her looks (for whatever reason) and views health and fitness as a means of improving or maintaining her self-image.
  • Maybe it’s something as obscure as an ex she once loved was really into health and fitness. As a result, she still feels positive emotions about that topic because it reminds her of a time when she was happy.
  • Maybe one of her parents or a close friend (or relative) was a smoker or an alcoholic and died young, and this instilled a need in her to try and bring people who are health conscious into her life so she won’t experience that same pain of losing someone like that again.

Whatever the reason is for why she is into health and fitness, if you can align yourself to something that’s important in the person’s life, it will help you gain a significant foothold in matching that person’s Lovemap and making them fall in love with you.

“The more indirectly you can

display you are a match, the better.”

The process in action:

In such a situation, if it’s well-known the woman is into health and fitness and you come straight out and say you are into health and fitness, she’ll naturally wonder if you’re just saying that to get with her.

The result is you could just end up looking manipulative in her eyes and her barriers would go up to you. You’ll be just like every other guy who’s tried to get with her. Consequently, it will be difficult for her subconscious to see you as The One.

A far better strategy is to indirectly display to her that health and fitness is an important part of your life. Hence, you match this aspect of her Lovemap in this way.

To do this, we go back to the power that metaphors and stories have in indirectly communicating a point you are trying to make to someone.

Using a story to match the person’s Lovemap:

For example, you could start talking about your days in college. Somewhere in the conversation you could slip in you once took part in the college half marathon. Here you wouldn’t be directly coming out and saying you are into health and fitness.

Instead, you lead into it by talking about your college days and just happened to add it in because it was related to the topic you were talking about. This is better than you making the half marathon story a topic in itself.

This allows you to come across as being genuine in what you have said as opposed to someone who’s just bragging or being manipulative. You displayed that you are into health and fitness by using a real example, and the flow of conversation just happened to naturally lead into that.

Alternatively, you could mention you were a member of the rowing club in college and display your enthusiasm to her when talking about this.

The reality is the more indirectly you can display to the person you are a match for their Lovemap, the better.

This will bypass their conscious filters (i.e. where they wonder if you are just trying to manipulate them in order to make them like you) and go straight to their subconscious.

When you can communicate to the person’s subconscious that you are a match for their Lovemap, this is where the idea that you could be The One is born.

Photo source: