Does Dating Make You Anxious?

Men's Dating

Does Dating Make You Anxious?

Robert Rodriguez Robert Rodriguez • 9/25/14

The first thing we need to figure out is what dating anxiety is or, in essence, it’s definition.

Let’s break it down into the two terms:

Dating is when two people make an agreement to meet with each other at a location and spend time getting to know each other in order to figure out if they are potentially going to be compatible with each other.

Anxiety is a feeling of being unsure and that feeling translating into a physical sensation that causes a host of unwanted emotions.

Dating anxiety is the fear of meeting with someone who will not accept you as a compatible partner. This translates to physical sensations that will cause you to act differently and leads to a negative spiral of behaviors that sabotage the whole interaction.

I want to focus on ways to tackle dating anxiety in this article.

One important disclaimer I want to give you first is these are not techniques or magic pill-type tips. If you want the real stuff that works, it will take a small amount of effort on your part to apply it.

Let’s take a quick look at mentality first:

There are three main mentality issues that are the root of dating anxiety:

  1. Insecurity – “What is she going to think about me?”
  2. Outcome dependence – “I want her to like me.”
  3. Scarcity – “This is my only chance.”

Insecurity is when you feel you are not good enough or are of lower value than the other person you are interacting with.

Before your date, you can do some quick self-talk. For example, you could repeat to yourself “Women love me” while smiling and looking in the mirror.

You can also make a list of successes in your past to remind yourself that you are a valuable person. Your date will be able to see that in you and she will not look down on you.

Outcome dependence is another big mentality issue. It is when you desire some sort of outcome from the date.

In reality, you should go into the date without any expectations and be carefree. When you do this, it frees up your mind to be able to experience the person sitting across the table from you.

Focusing on making the date end up a certain way will affect your behaviors, make you nervous and sabotage the date.

Scarcity is also a big anxiety source in dating. Whenever you get a date with a stunning woman and you feel like she is very valuable, you may begin to feel like you don’t want to lose your chance.

The scarcity mindset tells you that you cannot make any mistakes on your date and you have to perform at your best.

However, then you start to come across like you are trying too hard or chasing. This will turn off the person you are on a date with. It will also make you look easy.

What will happen is the person will start to pull away and make you chase harder. This will fill you with anxiety. You want to avoid this.

After you have internalized these three key mentality concepts, then you are ready to tackle the outer aspects of tackling dating anxiety.

“Set yourself up for

an anxiety-free date.”

Choosing the venue:

This is a very important aspect that can affect dating anxiety. Overall, you want to choose a low-pressure, enjoyable environment. You should be the one suggesting the location.

Avoid traditional dates like going to the movies or eating dinner. I reserve those kinds of venues for when I am exclusively dating someone.

Examples of venues that can reduce dating anxiety are comedy shows, laid-back coffee shops, a walk through a nice park, a concert, etc. If you somehow find a common interest, then doing a date related to that will help you immensely.

Reduce dating anxiety and prepare before your date:

  1. You choose the venue.
  2. Be familiar with the place you are going to go. The more times you have been there, the better and more relaxed you will be during your date.
  3. Practice voice, posture, eye contact and any other mechanics exercises you may be weak in before the date.
  4. Make a list of topics you are passionate about beforehand so you have something to talk about.
  5. Make sure you have at least two other locations you will be able to “bounce” the girl to. It is key because her accepting a venue change usually indicates you have enough comfort and attraction. You also want to switch venues before things become stale.
  6. Initiate touch early on. You can add touch during a joke or tease.
  7. Don’t stress the small stuff.
  8. Remember she is probably just as nervous and self-conscious as you could be.
  9. Make yourself the leader of the date. You make the decisions, which takes the pressure off being unsure of what is going to happen next.
  10. Choose a low-pressure, fun place to go. This takes the pressure off you and allows things to happen more easily.

The ultimate goal is high-fidelity communication.

When you disarm and take control of your mind and properly set yourself up for an anxiety-free date (replaced with excitement and anxious arousal), you will be prepared for high-fidelity communication.

High-fidelity communication is where the magic happens. This is when there are no mental obstacles and you are able to fully express yourself to the person across from you without any fear of outcome or what they will think of you.

This is when you can make a solid impression on your date and make them attracted to you. In general, most people on dates are so nervous and mentally cluttered that their date doesn’t even get a glimpse of their true personality.

Keep it simple and use all of these concepts listed in order to make your dates stress-free and successful. Remember to always trust in your true personality. That is what you want people to see and become attracted to.

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