He Disappears All the Time. Should I Tell Him Not to Contact Me?

David Wygant David Wygant • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

Hi David,

I’m 60 years old, very healthy, very active, and a very nice lady. I had a very cold marriage for over 30 years. I joined Match.com as soon as I separated, had a couple of dates (they were horrible), and then one popped up. I have dated him off and on for two years. He told me he loves me, but he disappears all the time. I see him for a couple days, and then he’s gone for two to three weeks. He was married for 30 years and has three children (just like me) and says he has commitment problems and is seeing a therapist about it. His wife cheated on him and he has drug and alcohol issues.

Should I consider this guy to be toxic? If he contacts me again (which I suspect he will), should I tell him not to contact me anymore, or should I just let him know I enjoy being with him but am leaving my options open to date others?

-Nancy (California)

David Wygant’s Answer:

Should you consider this guy toxic?  No.

I would consider him to be a booty call.

That’s all he is.  He’s a booty call.

He doesn’t want to commit.  He’s coming up with lots of excuses, but yet he likes to come over and fool around.

When a man does that, all he is doing is using you as a sexual partner.

Confront him on it if you want, but a man like him will make up some type of story not to be cut off sexually.

So move on and  find somebody who deserves you.

The time you have been wasting thinking about him and being with him is time you can be meeting a new man.

Enjoy the process!