How Do I Deal with My Girlfriend’s Jealousy?

Nick Slade Nick Slade • 9/25/14

Jealousy comes in a broad variety of shapes and sizes. It can be an indication of deep devotion or pathological paranoia. It can be no big deal, or it can be dangerous and creepy. First, figure out which brand you’re dealing with.

If your girlfriend’s jealousy manifests itself in anger and destructive behavior, your relationship might be on shaky ground. If she slashes the tires of a girl from your office because she thinks she smiled at you, find a new girl and get a restraining order. Seriously. And park your car in a garage.

If she just yells at you and then responds passionately to your kisses when you swear that she’s the only girl for you, proceed cautiously. Keep reassuring her of your feelings and faithfulness (and be faithful) and see if things improve. But also be sure to let her know that, as Elvis put it, “We can’t go on together with suspicious minds.” At least, not indefinitely. Sooner or later, it will kill the romance.

You know how to deal with tears, if that is how she acts out her jealousy. Just baby her and coddle her. Reassure her. Be there for her, and be sincere. Impatience or anger on your part will not help the situation.

The best thing to do when you are with a jealous girlfriend is to bring her into every conversation immediately. Introduce her as your girlfriend, and give her plenty of public affection. Put your arm around her, hold her hand, stay close, smile lovingly as you gaze into her eyes, give her a sweet little kiss on the cheek or lips, and be proud of her. Tell her how much you care about her frequently, and whisper words of love to her.

If you are committed and really think she’s worth the effort, then immerse yourself in catering to her feelings of comfort in your relationship and security in your commitment. If she is still jealous after your prolonged best effort, then she may have a problem with irrational thoughts. The next step is either professional help or cut your losses and move on.