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|Sam Stieler • 11/09/12|
It’s sort of every man’s fantasy to be able to approach any woman he finds attractive at any time, no matter where she is or what she’s doing. This desire stems from the fact that men tend to go through their days constantly encountering a slew of women they find attractive without any understanding of how they can actually start talking to her and potentially get to know her a little better.
This leads a lot of men to act in quasi-creepy behavior, such as staring at women in public, following women around, or sitting there making faux sexy eye contact in an effort to get HER to make the first move.
I hate to burst your bubble, but if women aren’t likely to make the first move in traditional dating spheres like bars, clubs, and parties, then they certainly aren’t going to walk up to you and ask what you think about that copy of Joyce you’re reading conspicuously while glancing up at her every three seconds.
If you have any interest in meeting the women you see out and about in your daily life, then you need to make the move, plain and simple. Thankfully, approaching women in public isn’t nearly as difficult as you might think.
If you’re going to start meeting women in public, you need to learn how to read female body language to determine when a woman is giving you an invitation to approach or not.
Generally speaking, if a woman makes repeated eye contact with you, if she smiles at you, if you catch her looking at you multiple times, and if she hangs around a space near you for no reason for a bizarrely long period of time, she’s likely inviting you to speak to her.
This isn’t always the case. There’s subtlety here and it takes a little bit of observational practice before you’ll get the hang of things.
But knowing women WANT to be approached and often send active signals is the first step to figuring out when it’s right to approach and when it’s not.
Many men find it difficult to believe women want to be approached in public. Men believe this is a predominantly male fantasy.
But women are constantly watching love movies and reading romance novels where the heroine meets the man of her dreams randomly while going about her life.
This is part of the reason women get dressed up to read a book in a coffee shop. Women want (the right) guys to approach them in so many (right) ways.
It’s way creepier to stare a woman down in public than to walk up and talk with her, so kill the thought you’re somehow doing something wrong by thinking you should approach cute girls in public.
“A random comment has led
to many hour-long conversations.”
There are two main ways to approach women in public. Both are effective in their own right, and which one you choose depends a lot on the situation you find yourself in.
You can approach a woman and repeat some variation of a lifestyle guru’s script that goes like this:
“Excuse me, but I find you very attractive and knew I’d be kicking myself all day if I didn’t approach you. I have to go meet up with some friends/get back to work but I’d like your number. You can give me a fake one if you want.”
Or you can comment on something she’s doing or something going on around you. A random comment or question about a book a woman’s reading or the fact she’s drawing in a sketchbook has led to many hour-long conversations and subsequent dates with women I’ve sat next to in coffee shops.
When it comes down to it, if a woman doesn’t want to talk to you or has no interest in you, she’ll let you know pretty quickly, usually in a pretty polite way, so feel free to approach away whenever you want.