How to Become “The One”

Men's Dating

How to Become “The One”

Bethany Heinesh Bethany Heinesh • 6/04/15

I rallied some of my single guy friends together over a hamburger and fries recently and talked to them about love, sex and dating. Ah, the things a girl has to do in the name of research. I wanted to get a fresh perspective on the modern man and, quite frankly, ended up with more than I bargained for.

I was surprised to learn most of them have become seriously frustrated with their love lives, complaining they have just about given up on the prospect of finding a suitable bride. Essentially, they all agree they have no idea what women want and have grown tired of being told they are “too nice” or “too clingy” or too fill in the blank.

I will be the first to admit that women often take for granted that there are tons of great guys out there searching for a long-term, serious relationship. We automatically assume men are out prowling for one-night stands, looking for every opportunity to break the heart of some unsuspecting woman. Many of us have become jaded because we’ve been disappointed one time too many times. We forget men struggle with dating and relationships just as much as we do, and we definitely never consider Mr. Right may be out there somewhere, desperately trying to figure out how to become “one-and-only material.”

For as many women who confess, “He just wasn’t the one,” there are just as many men asking, “How can I become the one?” The answer to such questions are really quite simple but first, a quick look into the psychology a female mind. You need to know that most of us believe in soul mates. It stems back to a childhood filled with images of Prince Charming, and there’s not a lot you can do about it.


“The best way you can be “The One” for

someone else is to be that person yourself.”

Make a mental checklist.

Most women have a mental checklist that will help identify The One if he happens to come along. If a date doesn’t meet the initial criteria, he is immediately dismissed as a possible candidate for a relationship.  If he makes it to the next level, there are a number of indicators that will alert to either a green light or a red flag. This may sound manipulative or conniving but I assure you that it is dating in its purest and most efficient form. Women need to get to know as much about you as quickly as possible so they can determine if there is even the slightest chance that you’re The One. If you’re not, why waste everyone’s time?

Most women have similar lists, but every woman’s soul mate standard is different. Some women want a man who already has children. Some don’t care about religious preference, while some will only date Catholics. Some women want a bodybuilder, a hunter, a bookworm, or an actor. In other words, for every type of man, there is a woman out there who will love what he’s about and likes what he likes.

Be yourself.

I’ll give you the same advice I gave my troupe of single guy friends: Always be yourself. You don’t want to attract a woman because she thinks you’re someone else. It may sound trite but you want someone to like you for you. You want your woman to love your weird little quirks and imperfections and not be with you for superficial reasons. The best way you can be The One for someone else is to be that person to yourself.  If you embody the kind of partner you want in your life, you will eventually attract that kind of person. Don’t give up. Your soul mate is out there. You’ll find her, and you’ll know it’s meant to be.