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|Nick Slade • 11/13/12|
There are a thousand good reasons why a woman might still be living at home with her parents. She might be furthering her education, helping with household expenses, caring for a parent or younger sibling, going through an employment transition or post-divorce readjustment, or maybe she just enjoys the company and support of her family.
Whatever the reason, “failure to launch” is not necessarily indicative of any kind of failure at all. But it does make a difference in the way you date her.
For starters, she is most likely not the head of the household. Her parents understand that she is a grown woman, but you have to understand that she is also their little girl.
When you date a girl who lives with her parents, you have to court her mother and father too, if you want to be successful.
Not only will your girlfriend judge you based on how you treat the most special people in her life, but having the parents on your side can be a big plus in moving your relationship ahead.
When you pick her up, make sure you are cordial to her parents. Be a little old-fashioned: Bring a small bouquet the first time and pull out one special flower for Mom.
Sit it down and chat with them and get to know them as people. And let them get to know who you are, too.
Fill them in on your plans for the evening and assure them their daughter will be in good hands.
There is nothing more frustrating and suspicious to parents than the stock high school answers to their questions:
Tell them about your date, both before and after if possible. Compliment their daughter. And get her home early the first few times, preferably while they’re still awake.
Let them see you truly like and respect their daughter and acknowledge their role as heads of the household.
“Dating a girl who lives with her
parents can actually be a big plus.”
You might be used to picking a girl up at 9 or 10 p.m. so you can still get a good table at the nightclub but won’t have too long to wait for the joint to start jumping. Start off with a few more parent-friendly dates instead.
Pick her up at 7 p.m. for a nice dinner and a good conversation. Then maybe have a couple of cocktails and a game of pool at Dave & Buster’s or a neighborhood pub.
There will be plenty of time for some great kisses in the car, and you can still have her home before midnight.
Once you gain the trust and friendship of all parties, have some later dates, but just let the parents know what is happening ahead of time and what time they should expect her to be home. Then honor the deadline you set.
If the romantic magic is happening for both of you, you will want to take things to the next level after a month or two.
But bringing her home Sunday morning after a Saturday night date is a hard thing for parents to swallow.
Plan the first sleepover by taking a trip to visit your parents, go fishing or hiking, or take a trip to the big water park three hours away.
The parents will still know what other activities you will be getting involved in at that nice little bed and breakfast in the mountains when the fall colors are at their peak, but the overnight stay can be rationalized as a requirement of the date and the legitimate growth of your relationship.
Plus, your girl will be a lot more at ease too, having really gotten “permission” from her parents to be with you ahead of time.
She can enjoy the romantic evening and come home with excitement and some great stories and pictures of the trip. But if she just spends the night at your place after a date, she will come home hiding her head and diverting her gaze from Mom and Dad, who may be disappointed and concerned.
The fact is that dating a girl who lives with her parents can actually be a big plus. It can force you to start out the dating relationship with realistic limits and family values that will serve you well, not only in your relationship with your girl, but also by earning the respect and accepting love of her whole family as well.