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|Nick Slade • 6/15/15|
Men are the most pitiful victims of heartbreak, so it is no wonder that it’s more difficult for them to heal and move on to a new love. Women have all of the safety releases and support systems that men lack.
A woman can cry it out with oceans of tears for hours, take a bubble bath in a green facial mask, call her girlfriends to talk about what a jerk he is, and then she’s back in action.
A man’s path of suffering after losing his girl is quite different. He might cry, he might drink himself into a stupor, or he might become a workaholic.
A real man doesn’t cuddle up with mom or have a good cry with his homies. Nothing is resolved, and he just waits for that piece of his heart to die. The echoes of love in the empty chambers of his heart may haunt him for months or even years, crippling his ability to love again.
Needless to say, that is not a good or healthy response to a breakup. Men simply lack the skills to handle their emotions. When men are flooded with emotions, rational thought goes out the window, and they can’t rein in the feelings. But they have to try.
A man needs to feel successful and not like a loser. The first thing he must do when he is suffering from a severe case of heartbreak is to understand that those very painful feelings are proof positive that he has the ability to love someone fully and completely from the deepest part of his human and spiritual being.
He was a success at love because he opened himself up to the vulnerability unconditional trust and true love require. Heartbreak is inevitable when we venture into the unstable world of love.
Next, he needs to realize that this experience has made him an even stronger and better lover than he could have been before. Rather than cocooning inside a protective and impenetrable shield, he is already more resilient and better able to handle both the joys and the sorrows that a future love may entail.
He is a better catch for a woman now than he was before. He knows how to see possible mistakes before they occur and can guide the relationship to a happier place.
“He will need to hang in there if
he senses she is a good woman.”
He should not work longer hours, drink more or eat less. He should continue his same workout routine, or begin one, as that helps to purge the body of toxins that can keep his mood down.
He needs to get out with his friends, go to his weekly bowling league, visit his family, and even talk open and dispassionately about what went wrong, if he’s so inclined.
A healthy body and a healthy social routine will put his mind in a place that can handle and work through the overload of emotions he has suffered through. Seeing normal life from a normal frame of reference will begin to let his normal desires and instincts lead him toward a new love.
He should not wait until he finds someone as good as his ex before he tries dating. Nobody is good enough until you build a relationship with them.
He should not take a new girl to the same places he took his lost love. She deserves a fresh start as a unique woman.
He should start with a few coffee dates, dinner and a movie and daytime outings in groups or with one woman to an art fair or a museum. He should not rush the physical aspect but should just wait for it to happen naturally.
He should also not expect to feel the same high emotions for quite some time, as his heart is still a bit numb. He will need to hang in there if he senses she is a good woman, even though his loins don’t yet burn with passion.
Each bond of love is special and unique, and when a new love finally gets under his skin, building slowly through a step-by-step process, he may discover a broader and more substantial love than he ever imagined.