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|Sam Stieler • 9/25/14|
Have you recently ended things with a girl whom you still experience deep feelings for? If so, you’re sitting in a difficult position. Part of you wants to hold on to these feelings forever, while another part of you just wants to let go and remove her from your head and your heart.
As much as we all like to delve into nostalgic sentiment from time to time, the latter impulse represents your healthier option. And here’s how you do just that:
What, were you expecting some other piece of advice? Were you expecting something you hadn’t heard before, a new technique for cutting the emotional chord, a unique strategy employed by relationship ninjas to release attachments quickly and effortlessly?
Sorry, there are no shortcuts to getting over a girl you like. There is no affirmation you can repeat, visualization exercise you can dive into or any single word of wisdom that will heal your aching heart and drive this girl from your mind.
Even if you do find an affirmation that appears effective, it will only work for the extreme short term. You may be able to experience emotional peace by repeating a line of untrue nonsense such as “I am free from all lingering constrains” seven dozen times in a row, but the moment of clarity you develop will dissolve back into intense fixation as soon as you leave lotus position and face the real world once more.
The only way to get over “this one girl” is to go out there and start dating other girls.
“If you’re going to get over your current
girl, you need to form a connection.”
Yes. Provided, of course, by “man slut” you mean a man who goes out there and gives his all to the challenge of not only meeting new women, but of allowing those women to potentially mean something to you, whether for a night, a couple months, or even for years to come.
If you really want to get over the girl who has your heart on lock, you cannot approach your new dating life with anything other than total commitment.
For some men, that will mean going out there and sleeping with as many new women as possible. For other men, this will mean going out there and looking for a new woman to give their heart to.
Both of these approaches can be effective, though I humbly suggest, no matter how many women you sleep with, that you won’t be able to really get over your current girl until you form a deep emotional connection with a new woman.
A period of sleeping around can be great, and healthy, and for many men, it can be absolutely necessary, but eventually you will realize a string of meaningless connections will do little to recover your heart.
Random hookups are fun but they rarely stick, and if you’re going to get over your current girl, you need to form a connection that impacts you at least as powerfully as your last relationship.