How to Know the Second Date is Worth it
|Sam Stieler • 4/16/12|
In an ideal world, every first date you go on will proceed smoothly and provide both you and your date with an incredible, unforgettable experience.
Yet,in the real world, first dates are often filled with missteps. Even if you manage to fulfill your half of the deal without making a single mistake, there’s a good chance your date will slip up in one way or another, leaving you to determine whether you even want to line up a second date.
Was it a bad date or a disappointing date?
There’s a big difference between date’s that are objectively bad and dates that are subjectively disappointing.
On a bad date, your date will seem to do everything in her power to try and push you away. She will be rude and insulting, she will act in an unattractive manner, and she will make it abundantly clear that she is not the sort of person you want to spend more of your time with.
Most negative first dates aren’t objectively bad. They’re simply disappointing. At the end of a disappointing first date, you simply feel let down. You feel like she didn’t live up to your expectations and didn’t end up being the sort of person you thought she would be.
Distinguishing whether a date was objectively bad or merely disappointing is the first step before determining whether you want to pursue a second date. If you realize a date was bad, a terrible experience that no man would have enjoyed, then cut ties immediately and never give this woman a second thought.
However, if a date was simply disappointing, then the problem may have more to do with your expectations than anything particularly problematic about your date. If she didn’t live up to your expectations, then it’s worth taking the time to figure out whether those expectations were either unfair or unfounded in the first place.
“Determine whether you’re personally
willing to give her another shot.”
Are disappointments worth getting worked up over?
Here are a few of the most common ways a woman may disappoint you on a date and why none of them are de facto deal-breakers:
She talks too much or too little.
No conversation is a perfect 50/50 split where both people share equal time talking and listening. Even when speaking with your closest friends, there’s a good chance you will dominate some of those conversations and practically disappear in others.
If this isn’t a problem with your close friends, why would you consider it a big problem on a first date? Besides, 90 percent of the time when a woman talks too much or too little on a date, it’s simply because she feels nervous, and it shouldn’t be taken as a valid judgment of her personality.
She shows up late.
If your date shows up late, it’s easy to assume she is an unpredictable, unreliable person. Even though it’s natural to jump to this conclusion, there’s no way to determine whether she actually exhibits these tendencies or if she was simply late this one time. Give her the benefit of the doubt, and pay close attention to her promptness on date number two.
She cancels on you.
If you think it’s tough to give a woman the benefit of the doubt when she’s late for the first date, consider how difficult it is to remain nonjudgmental when a woman cancels on you at the last minute!
It’s impossible to determine whether a woman is giving you an honest reason for her cancellation or not, and it’s impossible to determine the “legitimacy” of why she’s blowing you off. So instead of determining if a second date is in order based on her rationale, determine whether you’re personally willing to give her another shot, even if she blew you off for a seemingly inconsequential reason.