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|Bethany Heinesh • 6/01/12|
Guys, if you’re wondering how to get a girl to kiss you or you’re waiting for her to make a move, you may be waiting a mighty long time. Most women, me included, have been instructed that a man is supposed to initiate the first kiss.
When it comes to dating advice, I continue to instruct other women to wait for a man to kiss her, because it’s just the natural order of things as they pertain to dating and relationships. Sure, there are plenty of women out there who are happy to take on the role of aggressor, but this is the exception rather than the rule. I’ve been dating 20 years, and I have never kissed a man first. I never will, and I am not alone.
One of the most magical aspects of meeting a new man is the first kiss. We wonder:
Don’t ask me why, but kissing is a big deal to us, and we aren’t about to spoil that special first kiss by being too eager or unable to control ourselves. Maybe it has something to do with those Aretha Franklin lyrics: “If you wanna know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss. That’s where it is.” Maybe it has something to do with rules our mothers taught us long ago: “A lady never makes the first move.” It might even be because somewhere along the way, we overheard some guy making fun of a girl for being “easy.” No matter its origin, the age-old idea that a man is supposed to make the first move is still very much in the forefront of the minds of modern women.
“If you’re so skittish that you can’t fathom the idea of
leaning in to kiss a girl you’re after, you might
want to take some time to work on your game.”
Waiting for a woman to kiss you could very well kill any chance you have of ever getting her into a lip lock. We like men who are suave, men who got the moves, men who make us wild with lustful frenzy. If you give off any indication that you are scared to kiss us or that you’re intimidated by our presence, the wow factor fizzles fast.
We can sense insecurity and uncertainty a mile away, two qualities that turn a woman off quicker than you can say “smooches.” We want to be kissed. We don’t want to do the kissing, at least not in the beginning. Take charge, be a man and move in for the kiss.
If you waste time trying to conjure all kinds of ways to get her to kiss you, you not only prove to yourself that you’re a scaredy cat, you also take the risk of forever losing the opportunity to create a scenario that would ultimately lead to a kiss. If you’re not sure how to create such a scenario, keep these things in mind:
If you’re dating a new woman, set a time limit for the first kiss. If you are feeling some serious chemistry with her, you should give yourself a maximum of three dates to make a move. If she’s totally into you, she will be expecting you to end the first date with a kiss and will be more than ready by the end of the third. This is plenty of time to feel comfortable enough with her that your advances will be well received.
There are fewer letdowns in life for a woman than to find out her new guy isn’t a good kisser. Ugh. Keep it short, sweet and tender. Your first kiss should be a gesture that says you care about her and want to get closer to her in every way possible. Rough lips, thrusting tongues, too much teeth action and gruff skin against hers are all major turn-offs. Even though you may be nervous, don’t show it or you’ll blow it. The goal of the first kiss is to leave her wanting more. A bad kiss can be so upsetting to a woman that she may never go out with you again.
Typically, a woman will let you know if she would reciprocate a kiss if you initiated it. If you are feeling completely uncertain, however, voice your desire for her. Take her in your arms and say, “You are so beautiful. Can I kiss you?” She’ll tell you immediately if she objects. Here’s a hint: If you’ve been on more than one date with her, she’s probably waiting for you to kiss her .
Too often, men move too quickly and make awkward, sudden movements. We feel safe when you’re cautious and deliberate in how you handle us. Think of us as delicate little flowers that should be handled with care. If your nerves get the best of you and you act abruptly, you’ll probably freak her out and cause her to react negatively.
Remember, you shouldn’t wait for her to kiss you or figure out ways to persuade her to make the first move. If you’re so skittish that you can’t fathom the idea of leaning in to kiss a girl you’re after, you might want to take some time to work on your game before you get back out there to play the field. Women want a confident, capable man on their arms who isn’t afraid to take charge. If you’re not that kind of man, become one.