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|Sam Stieler • 9/25/14|
Moving to a new city is both exciting and terrifying, enticing you with the promise of starting fresh while simultaneously threatening to overwhelm you with feelings of fear and loneliness. For every moment you feel you’ve made the right decision by moving, you will face another moment where you worry you made a terrible mistake by leaving your old life behind.
These seemingly conflicting feelings are natural and all part of the process of settling in, and this “settling in” process can take a long time to complete.
Yet, there’s one action you can take that will greatly reduce the amount of time it takes to feel settled into your new city, and that’s meeting new people. The sooner you create a positive social base within your new city, the sooner you will realize moving was the best decision you could have ever made.
A lot of men will move to a new city and then obsess over meeting women and women alone. Meeting women is an important step to take when developing your personal world, but you need to meet men as well if you want to create a totally satisfying new life for yourself.
Men need male companionship. It’s that simple. Men need at least one group of guys they can hang out with regularly to indulge their masculine characteristics. The focus of this group will be different for every man, depending on what sort of masculine activities and relationships he likes to be a part of.
The precise activity doesn’t matter too much. As long as the activity revolves around camaraderie (working toward a shared goal) or competition (training and testing yourself against other men), you will reap substantial benefits.
That means joining a chess group is just as valid as joining a martial arts gym, and both are just as powerful as joining a film’s production crew.
To feel you have a full and worthwhile life, you need masculine companionship just as much as you need women to date. In fact, you need to find male friends before you set out to meet women, as masculine companionship will ground you with a level of purpose that the seemingly uncontrollable highs and lows of dating never will.
“The activities you engage in to meet women may
be different than the activities to make male friends.”
Both methods can be effective for meeting women, but if you’ve just moved to a new city, you need to focus on option number two — joining social groups filled with attractive women.
Nothing will make you feel more fulfilled, more settled and more confident in your decision to create a new life than developing a full social life. Everything you do during your first year in your new city needs to revolve around engaging in social activity, and that includes meeting women.
Women want to know you’re creating a full existence for yourself and aren’t simply looking to find a girlfriend to latch on to. While women understand you will need some time to fully develop your new life, they will want to know you’re on track toward doing your own thing and toward feeling excited and fulfilled regardless of whether they’re free or not.
It’s easier to date the most attractive women out there when you’re part of their social circle. Enough said!
The activities you engage in to meet women may be different than the activities you engage in to make male friends, but success in meeting either gender lies in leaving your apartment and joining groups and activities filled with the sorts of people you want in your life.
Simple, yes, but the impulse to lock yourself away and do nothing but watch Netflix alone during your first year in any new city is strong enough to require a reminder that a happy life is a shared life.