That “fear of commitment” you probably felt as a younger man has been replaced by a warm confidence and perhaps even some excitement about getting emotionally involved with that fabulous mature woman you’ve been dating.
The thing is, this time around, she is more likely to be the one with cold feet when it comes to taking things up one level. Exclusivity is not a total commitment, like getting engaged. But it is still a big psychological step for a woman who has been part of a whole different extended family for many years.
She may have children, an ex or deceased husband, or loving in-laws and friends who will always see her as somebody else’s woman. So, becoming your official girlfriend, even if you’ve been dating for a while, can give her pause for reflection.
Senior ladies come in all categories. Some will embrace a new lifestyle and new people, while others may have varying degrees of attachment issues. But they are all girls and they all want the loving presence of a good man in their lives.
If you want her to be your exclusive girl, just keep a few things in mind before you ask her.
Anticipate her response.
You can never really know for sure how a woman will respond when you tell her you want to be exclusive, but you might have a good idea. If you’ve been dating and sexually intimate for a long time, she may think it’s about time you ask her to be your girl.
But if she has been very slow and tentative about bringing you into her world of friends and relatives, you might need to anticipate a more tepid response, and you will need to be ready to overcome her objections.
If you know she has feelings for you, move ahead.
“Your instincts are mature now,
so just let them guide you.”
Set the mood.
You know the kinds of places and activities that bring her very close to you and put the two of you in that bubble of love, trust and companionship. Take her there so her comfort level and receptivity will be high and her skepticism and defense shields will be low.
It might be a nice restaurant after a rollicking good time with friends, a night at the opera or a walking conversation in the park. The right atmosphere, music and a little wine are often great for setting the appropriate mood.
Just make sure you have a lot of fun first and that you can see the glow in her eyes.
Tell her you are starting to develop deep feelings for her and you want to give the relationship a realistic footing where those feelings can flourish if they are meant to.
You want her to know she’s more than a passing fling for you and that your feelings for her are genuine. You want her to know she can count on you, you will be there for her and you want her to be your girlfriend.
If she has kept her life and family very private, let her know you are willing to take things slowly. This is not a proposal, but you just want her to know that right now you aren’t interested in any other women and you’re hoping she doesn’t want any other men in her life either.
Let her know you want to get to know her friends and family but she can make that happen at her own pace.
Give her something.
In the old days, you might have given a girl your letter jacket or class ring, or perhaps a bracelet or necklace she could wear to show the world she’s your girl.
Now you might just want to give her a nice bouquet of flowers, although some earrings or other jewelry would be with her constantly as a reminder of your affection and loyalty.
A gold bracelet or a pendant is something she could wear all the time, but it wouldn’t be an obvious symbol of your exclusivity to others, if she preferred it that way. Give her the flowers, but don’t take out the jewelry or other gift until she accepts your offer.
Girls, at any age, are always girls. They will always appreciate your sincerity, thoughtfulness, sweetness and attention. And they will always be impressed when you make them feel special by giving them the highest place of honor in your heart.
Your instincts are mature now, so just let them guide you to the right time, place and technique for asking her to be your girl.