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|Sam Stieler • 4/23/12|
There’s a reason so many people, men and women alike, refer to the world of dating as a “game.” When it comes to relationships, there are countless rules to follow, strategies to develop and feints and acts of misdirection you need to perform if you desire to win it all by ending up with a great partner.
As much as all of us may bemoan the fact that we can’t simply be open, honest and direct with how we feel and what we desire, in our heart of hearts, we all understand the simple fact that any partner who approaches us with that game plan doesn’t stand a chance at earning our affections.
Which is why, as counter intuitive and frustrating as it may be, you can never just come right out and tell a woman you want to be exclusive with her.
Just as men have a litany of problems with the women they get into relationships with, women can rattle off endlessly about what frustrates them when it comes to the less-fair sex. But there is one complaint that women levy against men more often than any other, and which is an all-but-guaranteed deathblow to their relationship.
Now what, exactly, does “clingy” mean? To put the matter to rest, a man is clingy when he seems more invested in a relationship than a woman. If a man calls, texts, emails and overall chases more, then his woman will consider him clingy. And when a woman considers her man clingy, she will lose respect, attraction and all romantic interest in him.
This is why you can never just tell a woman you want to be exclusive with her. If you do, you will become clingy, and you will lose her.
“Increase the amount of time you spend with
this woman, and increase the depth of the
information and emotions you share with her.”
Men tend to think in black and white, on and off. When a man doesn’t want to be exclusive with a woman, he isn’t. When a man decides he wants to be exclusive with a woman, he sets his mind to it and, as far as he’s considered, the matter is decided.
Women aren’t so definite and clear-cut. A man can know, with full assurance, he wants to date a woman exclusively soon after meeting her. A woman needs time to feel out the relationship, to develop her emotional connection with her man, to evaluate what sort of man he is, and whether he is the sort of person she wants to make a significant factor in her life.
There are few more terrifying notions to a woman than investing everything she has in a man and to then lose that man, so you bet she’s going to take the time to make sure she feels 100 percent confident about the man she invests in.
Even if you meet a woman and know within 15 minutes of talking to her you want to make her your one and only, you need to spend a significant span of time developing your relationship and increasing the depth of your commitment before you take your desire for exclusivity seriously.
When you first meet and start seeing a woman, limit the amount of time you see her to no more than once a week. You can communicate with her in between dates, but try and avoid sharing endlessly long phone calls every single night.
From here, proceed slowly. Every month or two, increase the amount of time you spend with this woman, and increase the depth of the information and emotions you share with her. If you proceed gradually enough, then you won’t reach a point of exclusivity for at least six months after meeting your woman, and this is a good thing.
At this point, you shouldn’t make a big deal out of the talk, and you should consider whether having the talk is even necessary. If you take your time, then your exclusive relationship will develop naturally, and the need for a firm label will melt away.