I Came Off as Needy. Should I Apologize?

Rachel Dack Rachel Dack • 10/09/15

Reader Question:

I had been speaking with a girl for more than four weeks, and I made a mistake by telling too much about myself and my feelings toward her.

I seemed needy and made a mess by not waiting for a reply before my next message. Now I’ve had no reply since Tuesday.

How is this for an apology?

“Sometimes even sweet, caring, nice guys make big mistakes they regret. It just kills me to think how I’ve made my biggest mistake this year by turning the smiles I did put on your face upside down. I know it’s a long shot, but I hope I get the chance to put at least one more smile on your face.”

-Craig (Scotland)

Rachel Dack’s Answer:

Hey Craig,

It’s so great and admirable that you want to apologize. It sounds like you know you might have come on too strong or shared too much too quickly.

This is a common obstacle many single individuals face because it can feel so incredible to connect with someone new and emotions can quickly become intense.

Sometimes we get too ahead of ourselves, but the bottom line is it is important to pace ourselves.

This is a great learning opportunity and chance for you to check in with yourself when you feel the urge to share too much.

Again, I so appreciate your honesty, accountability and desire to clear the air with her, but I think it might be useful to ask her what happened to your communication and make your apology a bit more concise.

I know you are trying to be open and honest. However, your apology might be a bit overwhelming for her.

Maybe spend some time finding a way to tone it down a little bit so you are able to get your point across without making it too big of an issue. Then go with what makes you feel the most comfortable and at ease.

Unfortunately, we can’t control how others respond to us, but we can do our best to communicate in healthy and effective ways in the hopes our message will be positively received.

Take care,

Rachel


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