I Can’t Tell if She Likes Me. What Do I Do

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I am a senior in college and I have a crush on a girl I have known since freshman year. My girlfriend and I broke up during my junior year. Recently I have been hanging out with my crush a lot more but mostly in group situations when she is with her friends. She is extremely difficult to “read.” I can’t tell if she likes me as more than a friend.

What do I do?

-Ryan (New Hampshire)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Ryan,

You’ll never know unless you do something. But before you do anything, let me ask you this: Is she really that difficult to read, or are you most attracted to women who are emotionally avoidant?

If it is the latter, then she may not be a good relationship partner because it will be difficult to grow an emotionally intimate bond.

So here are all your choices:

1. Keep her as a great friend.  

2. Ask her on a date and risk her decline, which could potentially put an awkward damper on the friendship.

3. Ask her on a date and have her say yes and remain “extremely difficult to read.”

My instinct is a person who has been hard to read for three years doesn’t suddenly open up.


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