I Don’t Want to Run Her Off. How Do I Let Her Know I Care?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I was introduced to a girl who had recently left her ex for abusive reasons, and she had just found out she was pregnant. Things worked until right before the baby was due, and even though I had established work and was about to buy a place for the three of us, she started wanting to try and give the baby’s father a second chance.

She has since apologized for the way she acted. She has been constantly asking when she can see me again, and I have told her that I will always love her and can’t wait to meet the son she has.

What I need to know is how to let her know that I care without running her off?

-Love Sick B. (Louisiana)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Oh, man. Mr. Love Sick, you are in a hard place. You are dealing with a postpartum mother (read: running on erratic hormones) who still harbors fantasies of a traditional family with her abusive baby daddy.

My advice is to be a friend with boundaries to her. Tell her clearly what you want the relationship to be, and don’t let her get you on a slippery slope where your heart gets broken again.

No matter what, new mothers need a lot of help and support. Be a platonic friend. Show her you care by running errands or picking up food for her. But don’t let romance creep in until the baby is older, her old relationship is more settled, and you are clear about what you want.


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