I Have Forgiven Her and Want it to Work Out. Am I Wasting My Time?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 7/06/12 1 comment

Reader Question:

My wife and I are separated. She was unfaithful three times this last month, but I was unfaithful 19 years ago. We have been married 21 years. She wants to divorce and after a couple of months, get married again so we can have a clean slate.

I have forgiven her of all and want to work it out. But am I wasting my time, or is this true?

-Mike R. (Washington)

Dr. Wendy Walsh's Answer:

OK, I’m confused. Your wife wants to spend thousands of dollars of the family money in divorce court and maintaining two separate residences, just so she can marry you again? I can understand her need for some kind of symbolic ritual to create a “clean slate” in her head, but divorce is not the way to do it.

I suggest a week-long couples retreat that culminates with you two reinstating your vows. Bottom line: You two need to have open communication so you can understand why she had those affairs. Affairs are always the symptom of a bigger problem. And that’s what you need to uncover before you can proceed.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.