I Want a Second Chance. What Should I Do?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I’ve been dating this girl for two months and everything was going great until this weekend. I got way too drunk and started acting over dramatic.

I told her she should start paying for things once in a while. I told her maybe we should go our separate ways so no one gets hurt. I called her that night and apologized and she forgave me.

It’s been a few days now and I haven’t heard from her. I really care about her and want a second chance.

What should I do?

-Jesse (New Jersey)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Jesse,

More important than your drunken outburst are the feelings behind it. I’m wondering if there is some truth to your feelings of resentment that she is not contributing financially.

I don’t know the financial situations of each of you, but if she makes more money than you and has no children to support, it’s understandable.

Of course, the way you broached the subject wasn’t cool.

But you are also learning something here about her ability to deal with conflict. Stonewalling or giving the silent treatment often provides a ticket straight to a breakup or divorce court.

My suggestion is to wait a few days and telephone her (not text!).

If she doesn’t pick up, leave a kind, smart voice mail. Apologize again and tell her you’d like to discuss some of the things you brought up.

Tell her this is a unique opportunity to work together to resolve conflict and you think she’s valuable enough to do that with.

If she moves away from you because this rupture happened while the relationship was so fragile, then you’ve learned a few things.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.