I Want to Convince Her to Stay. How Do I Handle It?

November 23, 2012
I Want to Convince Her to Stay. How Do I Handle It?

Reader Question:

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for the last three months with an amazing girl who I care a lot about (I’m away at school). Everything was going great until she brought down the hammer saying she wants to break it off. Her reason was she feels she isn’t ready or mature enough yet and that we rushed into this relationship. I respect how she is feeling but I don’t feel it’s fair to call it quits after our first rough patch/problem. I really want to convince her to stay with it.

Any ideas on how to handle it?

-Lukas (Wisconsin)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Oh Lukas, oh Lukas, oh Lukas. Of course you want her to change her mind. You’ve just spent three months being with (uh, actually, mostly thinking about) Miss Amazing. There seems no reason to stop this long-distance pining. Who knows where it could lead?

I mean, if you just focus your mind long enough on her lying in her distant dorm room, you can probably imagine any happy ending. But that’s the problem, Mr. Amazing. This is your movie, not hers.

In fact, in the brief term of this relationship, while you’ve been making her the star, I’ll bet she’s only made a few cameos in your life. And now you’re dealing with a diva with the nerve to think she can run your set. Psychological science says this relationship was mostly your fascination with your own projections (funny how it rhymes with projector).

How can you convince her to stay in your show? Sorry to let you down, Spielberg, but you can’t. Divas walk.

Next time, find a Miss-Mostly-Amazing who breaths near you and even passes real human gas in that air space. Then open your eyes and your heart. And turn off that projector.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013). Connect with her on Google+.

Related Topics:
Breakups Conversation

2 Responses

    Aw this sucks. I bet if you two were together in the same city she would still dump you. I don’t mean to be harsh but it sounds like she doesn’t like you anymore and the distance just didn’t go in your favor, it went in hers.

      C. Price
      Cynthia Price (DatingAdvice.com)

      Distance relationships really don’t have a high success rate. Hopefully our reader can move on and meet new people at his new school!

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