I Want to Move Forward. Is She Waiting for Me to Make the First Move?

November 16, 2012
I Want to Move Forward. Is She Waiting for Me to Make the First Move?

Reader Question:

I have been seeing this woman for about three months and so far it’s been platonic — aside from holding hands and warm embraces. We had a great discussion recently about where we are heading. We both enjoy being together. She has also confided in me about a sister who recently passed away from cancer. I’m interested in moving the relationship forward. She’s been divorced for a little over a year. I recently discovered she is back on Match.com, and she mentioned she had a date several weeks ago.

Am I just the guy friend, or is she waiting for me to make the first move? I’ve held off on making a move out of respect due to the death of her sister.

-Greg (Iowa)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

I’m sorry to bring you bad news, but if she’s actively back on online dating, it means she’s not that into you. And if she even told you about the date, then that is blatant code for “We are just friends.”

I’d have a least one open and honest conversation with her about your intentions, and if she isn’t ready to move forward, you are best to move away from her. If she wants you, she’ll come back.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013). Connect with her on Google+.

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6 Responses

    hate to say it but she enjoys talking with you and getting her problems off her chest with you. most woman have male friends like this, thie ones they confided in and spend time with and then the ones they want to sleep with. sry!

    Why do men always have to make the first move? It’s scary and women will never understand how bad it feels when girl after girl turns you down and you don’t know why so you stop making moves and then your still alone no matter what. it’s tough out there.

      Well that’s why you ask someone for an opinion. The user asked an expert because he was confused on the woman’s intentions. This wasn’t about making a first move, it was about making a smart move so he didn’t look dumb.

      I think Dr. Walsh is right though, she was pretty blatant. It’s too bad she doesn’t have interest in the guy but he would be smart not to chase her anymore.

    I think guys should always make the first move.. Maybe she went back on match.com or told you about her date because maybe she wanted to see what your reaction would be and to see if you would show some sort of interest in her and ask her out or something.. She obviously wasn’t going to just twiddle her thumbs waiting for you to make a move. And for you to think that just cause you’ve been rejected in past, every girl out there will do same is just follows.. Not every girl is same and some girls are very shy when it comes to that or maybe don’t have a lot of experience playing the field that way .. You should definitely speak to her if you are interested, otherwise just let her move on with other guys..

    I know this is pretty blunt, but maybe just telling her how you feel will give her some insight, that might spur something between you.

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