If the Sex is Bad, Do I End the Relationship?

Nick Slade Nick Slade • 9/25/14

If the sex sucks but there is a genuine bond of friendship and compassion, keep working on it. When the sexual passion builds on the foundation of friendship, compassion and real caring for the other person, the relationship is almost always stronger than when the heat of passion leads the way and blinds you to the lack of depth in the underlying bond.

Great sex is the cement that holds it all together, but it is not one of the building blocks that constitutes the main body of the relationship. In a meaningful relationship, it is not unusual for a woman to hold back the unbridled sexual abandon until she feels safe with your commitment and love, especially if she is not experienced in the ways of the casual hookup.

This is not the time for your normal round-robin of six different positions. This is the time for the man with the slow hand.

This is the time to nurture her tender innermost feelings and to make sweet and gentle love to a vulnerable woman who is yearning to let go but may be afraid she will lose herself to you completely if she does. This is the time to whisper words of love, respect and emotional encouragement.

You are sold on her as a woman and partner, but you want to help her become your perfect lover, too. Take ownership of the quality of the sex. If everything else is right, then make love to her like a boyfriend and don’t screw her like a gigolo.

She is probably a quality girl who wants to feel like you are loving her, not just having sex with her, which will inhibit her response.

It is your patience and gentle love making that will allow her to lose herself in your love. The wild and crazy sex will come.