I’m Attracted to My Friend and She Wants to Move in. Does She Want More?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 7/06/12

Reader Question:

There is a girl I’ve known for more than 15 years and we are really good friends. I’ve always been attracted to her but we have never been romantic. Lately, we’ve been spending a lot more time together, and it seems like there is a little bit of sexual tension. Now she wants to talk about moving in together.

Is this the signal that she also wants more? I’ve never told her I wanted to be more than friends.

-John D. (Kentucky)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

John, darling, are you sure there’s sexual tension on both sides? This could just be your own feeling. If you’re not sure, ask her about it.

Above all, do not move in with her! Here’s why: If she thinks you are just friends and you hope for more, there is a guaranteed disappointment for someone in the future. If you both do like each other and are about to enter into a sexual relationship, moving in together will be way-too-much-too-soon.

Living together has a statistical probability of breaking up couples before marriage. And if you do end up marrying someone you have lived with, you have a much higher divorce rate. The solution, as always, is to talk things out.


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