I’m in Love with This Girl. How Can I Speed Up the Process?

August 3, 2012
I’m in Love with This Girl. How Can I Speed Up the Process?

Reader Question:

I have been hanging out with this girl for about month and a half now. I literally met her the day after she left her recent ex-boyfriend. Since then, we have been hanging out with each other almost every day.

Every so often (mainly when she has been drinking), she will do something flirty, but other than that there is no physical intimacy with each other.

I lost my patience with her at one point and confronted her on our “status.” She told me once again that she is not ready for that because of the “getting over her ex” thing.

Should I wait and see what happens, or is there anything I can do to expedite this process? I am basically in love with this girl.

-Troy B. (Iowa)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Expedite this process??? You mean toward sex or a commitment? If you are hankering for physical intimacy more than love and commitment, I guarantee this will blow up in your face.

You’ll catch her on a weak night when she’s been drinking and her decision making skills are compromised. You two will have sex. She’ll feel bad about it. And you’ll lose her.

But if you’re hoping for a real, committed relationship that will lead to intimate sex, then ease up on on all that contact. You’re giving her a free relationship – your companionship, your availability, your love – and not getting anything back.

What’s more, she’s clearly telling you she’s not interested in a relationship right now. If I were you, I’d shine all that loving attention on a more available woman. Who knows? You might end up having to decide between two women.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013). Connect with her on Google+.

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