I’m New to Intimacy. How Do I Approach This Situation?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I am a 25-year-old male dating a 29-year-old woman. I’ve never had a relationship in my life and am very new to intimacy. I really like this woman, but I fear that when it comes time for intimacy, especially sexual relations, she will be disappointed and this will end things.

Do you have any advice on how I approach the situation?

-Zach (Indiana)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:


To quote a famous president, you have nothing to fear but fear itself.

In other words, it is your anxiety, not her judgements, that is the root of your problem. And if you move too fast, these anxieties can disrupt the physical part of you.

So, you’ve got to move slowly. Build trust. Build communication. Don’t jump into bed, but spend a few good nights with kissing and fondling. Let your body relax and take over.

And tell her she means something to you and that’s why you’d like to move slowly. She’ll respect that.

If you take the time to build a friendship and some good sexual communication skills, you’ll reduce the fear that she’ll judge you.

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