Is She Interested?

Kara Pound Kara Pound • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I have currently built up a crush with a colleague at work. We’ve been working together for more than six months now and we are quite close.

Over the weeks, other colleagues have seen us together and often ask her if there is something between the both of us, indirectly. It puts her off and maybe annoys her. It annoys me, too. She’s very cute and there are others who like her. But I know we have a strong bond between us. She doesn’t flirt with me, but I know she likes being around me. I wish there is some way I can prevent other colleagues from asking her if we are both together, but I can’t figure out a way.

I really like her and wanted to ask her out and see if she wants to give it a shot. But under the circumstances, depending on what other people are saying, she’d feel uncomfortable to say yes.

I really don’t know what to do. One time we have this intimate moment, the next she looks at me and smiles and a while later she completely avoids me. I want to make it work and see if she has at least the slightest interest in me, too.

Whenever we are alone together, it feels special and great, but its really hard to read her signals. When we are around other people, she just switches me off except when we talk face to face. That’s why I wanted to ask her out because when she says no, I can start to get her out of my head. There won’t be any other chance for us to be together after that. But if she is interested, she might say yes.

What should I do?

  • Shall I ask her out?
  • Is a casual movie, which is around the corner from where we work, a good idea?
  • Or do I need to stop thinking about her and move on?
  • Shall I be open to her and tell her that I find it uncomfortable, as well, that others think we have something going on?
  • Shall I speak to others and tell them that there isn’t anything between us?

I would be grateful to you if you could advise me on what to do. If she isn’t interested, I’m willing to get over her. But if she is, I’d love to give it a shot. Thank you for your time.

-Duane M. (Alabama)

Expert’s Answer:

Hey Duane,

Thanks so much for writing in! It sounds like you are accepting defeat before even suiting up for war. Don’t assume anything until you’ve been completely open and honest with this girl. Yes, definitely ask her to go see a movie together, or better yet, grab a cup of coffee at a place where you’ll be able to chat. There is obviously something between you and this co-worker. Otherwise, you wouldn’t spend a great deal of your workday together, right?

It might just be a great, platonic male-female friendship, but if you’re developing feelings for her, then you should act on those feelings. Did you know that Stephen King was rejected dozens of times before successfully selling one of his short stories to a mens magazine? Only the really great people in life take chances when they know that they might not like the outcome. Like I said, let this girl know your feelings and see if she’s interested in exploring a relationship with you. It’s better to know the answer than continue to drive yourself crazy.

Good luck!

Kara