Is it Wrong to Break Up with Someone Because of Their Looks?

July 6, 2012
Is it Wrong to Break Up with Someone Because of Their Looks?

Reader Question:

I’ve been dating this great girl for a year and a half. She’s the mothering kind of girlfriend. She takes care of me and it’s awesome. One problem — I never thought she was pretty.

I knew I was settling when I started dating her, and now we’re buying our own place. We’re so stable that there is no question that we’re going to get married. However, I can see problems 20 years ahead. I think she deserves better.

Is it wrong to break up with someone just because of their looks?

-George P. (Florida)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear George,

In a word, YES! I’m sorry that our superficial media messages that place hotness above a beautiful heart have made you confused. Newsflash: Pretty women are more likely to break up with a guy when the going gets rough because they know their value in the sexual marketplace and feel a boyfriend is replaceable.

Here you have a woman you think is awesome. One who loves you, cares for you and is loyal. Those qualities are exactly what you need for a long-term, healthy relationship.

Oh, and by the way, in 20 years, you’ll probably be cured of the “young man’s fascination with beauty.” Hopefully, you’ll be wise and grateful that you married such a gorgeous heart.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013). Connect with her on Google+.

Related Topics:
Attraction Breakups Deal-Breakers

3 Responses

    You know look will always fade but a good heart stays forever …You can break up with her for a most beautiful girl but will she have the same beautiful qualities you see in your actual girlfriend?? And In 20 years this new sexy girl might gain weight and be uglier and you will be stuck with an ugly and mean wife and if their is kids with that it’s even worst …I think the answer of your question is obvious

    Wrong! Politically correct, but not very honest. If you have never been abel to fall in love with her, then you are probably wrong to date her altogenther. And yes, 20 years from now, if you’re both, say, 45, you as man can still be very much ok-looking, while she likely won’t; and if you don’t love her now, you won’t love her any more then and are bound to feel unhappy and tempted by other women.

    Thank you for your article. We have a heartless media that replaces inner beauty with shallowness. People who love each other will see that person as beautiful or handsome. It’s the mystery of love, I guess. But in the meantime I will keep muddling through this heartless ugly game until I find someone who is appreciative of inner worthiness.

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