Long-Distance Dating: When to Stay Overnight
|Nick Slade • 8/03/12|
So, you met her online but she lives a few hours down the road? Or, maybe you reunited with a high school crush on Facebook, and she would really like to get to know you better now but moved to the other coast.
You’re going to visit her for a date. There’s no question about that. But should you stay at her house or rent a hotel room? How long should you date her before you ask to stay at her place?
Certainly your age and familiarity level makes a difference, as does her living situation. But there are some basic rules of etiquette you should follow in long-distance dating. It’s not yet a long-distance relationship, so you need to develop your personal bond before you make too many assumptions.
Rule number one is fast, hard and unbreakable: If she has children living with her, you do not stay there. Period. There could be an exception if the child is an infant, but, of course, that in itself raises some other red flags right off the bat.
Why is she unattached so soon after giving birth? Where’s papa and might he make an unexpected appearance? But from toddlers to teenagers, it’s not acceptable for them to see their safe haven used as a hotel for strangers.
“Once you’ve moved the relationship to that level,
she will probably assume that you will stay with her.”
Parents and roommates.
If she lives with her parents or roommates, and they insist on putting you up in the guest room or on the couch, that should be enough to keep the girl feeling safe and secure.
It will also allow her to feel comfortable with the fact that you are not making any other kind of assumptions that might go along with a sleepover, and it should keep any temptations on your part or hers from being acted upon too early in the dating process.
Still, the initial invitation should come from her, and all other residents should have a veto power. If they are not comfortable with your overnight presence, don’t stay. It’s their home too, and you don’t want to disrupt a peaceful domicile with infighting and disharmony.
She lives alone.
You’ve already invested a lot of time, money and emotional currency on pulling off this long-distance date. You don’t want to run the risk of turning it into a 500-mile one-night stand.
There are few circumstances under which it would be a good idea to spend the night at her place, alone with her in her home, after your first date. It’s just too easy for a little to lead to a lot once the spark has been ignited.
If you like the girl and want to see it develop into something really wonderful, then do the hard thing now and go to a motel.
So, when is it OK to stay?
Invite her to your planet for a date next month and put her up in a nearby motel. If you both have kids and the maturity to begin a sexual relationship fairly soon, make the next date at a nice bed and breakfast halfway in between or at some other romantic, neutral spot.
It may take a few more visits with hotel stays if you’re younger or if it just takes longer to comfortably create a personal bond. Some longer visits may be necessary, too.
If she accepts your offer for a romantic overnight date, that probably means she’s ready to sleep with you.
Once you’ve moved the relationship to that level, she will probably assume that you will stay with her. Of course, kids and roommates could alter that timeline as well.