We’re Meeting for the First Time. Will It Be Awkward?

Gina Stewart Gina Stewart • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I am a soldier deployed in Afghanistan. I created a profile on Match.com strictly out of boredom. I did have the privilege of talking to this girl.

It started off with emails, and then we upgraded to Facebook. She gave me her number and we started to text and eventually FaceTime.

We FaceTime every day unless I am on a mission or certain circumstances don’t allow me. We have made it clear to each other that as soon as I arrive home, we will be going on a date.

Is she going to be attracted to me? Is there going to be an awkward silence? Is this too good to be true?

Is it even possible to have feelings for someone you have never met? Do I need to court her as if we just met for the first time and throw away the last few months?

-Matt (Afghanistan)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

I’m singing some Queen in my head right now, “Pressure! Pushing down on me. Pushing down on you. Under pressure!”

I always advocate meeting as soon as possible to deflate the pressure of building up an emotional attachment before you’ve actually met, but we’re way too late for that. Since it’s physically impossible for you guys to have met, we have to deal with what we’ve got.

The reality is there’s a chance neither one of you will be physically what the other is expecting. It’s great you’ve used FaceTime because that gives a more accurate impression, but in person is still going to be different.

There may be an awkward silence. You should try to deflate any date pressures by planning something with an activity involved, even so much as taking a walk in a cool neighborhood. You can always make conversations about the tabby cat and houses around you.

Change your mindset. Plant the seed in your head that this is someone you care for who reciprocates feelings and at the very least you will have a friendship with. Be honest before you meet about the realities of that.

Whatever you do, you’re not throwing away the last few months. She’s invested a lot of time in you and has been a positive in your life when she could have been going out with stateside guys. That’s a good girl so treat her with the respect and courtesy you’d show any good friend.

If she’s everything you imagined and you’re everything she’s imagined, then that’s just a boon and be ready to court her.


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