Moving On After She Cheats

Men's Dating

Moving On After She Cheats

Randy Mitchell Randy Mitchell • 9/25/14

Guys, we’ve all heard the same line from lots of women, “All men are cheaters. It’s in their bloodline and part of their nature.”

But what about women? And what do you do after the one who claimed your heart finds her way into another guy’s bedroom?

I read a recent Fox News survey that stated around 70 percent of all men have engaged in some form of infidelity. For women, it was around 50 to 60 percent.

This included everything from casual office flirting, sexting, online activities and having sex.

That’s a lot of messing around, mountains of hurt feelings and tons of heartache for those on the receiving end.

The reasons for cheating are a subject for another article, but these percentages are enough to test your faith in the concept of monogamy, even the sanctity of marriage.

Many years ago, I was involved with a girl I really cared for. I was in my early 20s, naive and looking at the future through rose-colored glasses. Everything was going well.

However, occasionally I noticed she’d talk about a former boyfriend.

At first I rationalized it as just part of having casual conversation. We’d sometimes even joke about our past relationships as stepping stones to learning what we wanted.

But when she increased her frequency from occasional to repetitive, I saw the red flags waving.

One day she called and asked me to go to her place to pick up a forgotten item she needed at work.

I was working for myself at the time and had a key, so it was pretty easy to go since her office was fairly close by.

After I entered her home, I quickly saw the article she wanted. It was atop a dresser in her bedroom.

As I grabbed it and turned to leave, something caught my attention protruding underneath a pillow lying on her bed. It was the corner of a picture, which I pulled and began studying.

What was it? An image of her and her past (so I thought) boyfriend: a huge clue.

After thinking it over, I decided to do a little private detective work with a close friend. Long story short, she was cheating. My nagging gut feelings about her came to pass.

What did I do?

Let’s just say I moved on – rapidly.

It was a hurtful experience, especially at such a young and impressionable age, but it taught me many valuable life lessons concerning trust, honesty and keeping both eyes open – a little “trust but verify” wisdom.

If you’ve never been cheated on, you’re a minority.

The idea of meeting a beautiful girl, spending long, sultry nights in each other’s arms, walking down the aisle and starting a family is almost everyone’s idea of love at its finest.

It’s wonderful when it happens. However, moving forward after becoming a jilted lover, if handled correctly, can also direct you along the path of finding true love.

The trick is living an “eyes open” lifestyle that keeps you focused on avoiding disaster.


“Cheating is never OK, but it does

happen to a large majority.”

Here are a few things to consider:

1. “Trust but verify.”

Ronald Reagan adopted this phrase while discussing U.S. relations with the Soviet Union during the Cold War. I like to say, “Trust your gut, and then follow your instincts.”

When dating someone, if things are going well, everything is clicking, she’s doing, saying and being where she says she is, great.

However, if you start seeing inconsistencies in her activities and demeanor, a light check could be in order.

Don’t be freaky about it, though (i.e. camping in her driveway, calling the NSA for her phone records). That’s way too extreme.

But asking some simple questions like, “How was your girls’ night out last week?” or “How’s your sick cousin you went to see the other day?” and analyzing the confidence of her responses might give you some answers.

If things really get out of hand, such as not seeing or hearing from her for several days, then a serious talk is in order.

The thing about dealing with one who cheats is YOU have a right to know. This is your life, your time, your heart, your money and your efforts at stake here.

Life is short. Don’t waste it on someone who doesn’t respect you as a human being.

2. Going forward.

OK, she cheated. What do you do now?

If you really cared for her, it’s going to hurt. However, the best thing to do is dust yourself off and get back out there.

Your ability to trust is tarnished and will waver, but learning from your experience and applying it to future relationships will benefit you greatly. Don’t walk around carrying your heart on your sleeve.

Being cheated on, unfortunately, is quite common, but see it this way: She did you a favor by exposing who she really is, therefore freeing you to meet the right one for your life.

I’m a believer that everything happens for a reason.

Other things you should do is stay off her social media, avoid places she’s known to frequent and even cuts ties with mutual friends for a while to help with the healing process.

3. Remaining friends.

Unless you’re a glutton for punishment, it’s very hard to even consider this. Seeing a woman after she cheated only serves to ease her guilt and deepen your wounds.

After lots of time and healing, maybe it can work. Everyone goes through periods of making mistakes and changing their ways.

Just be extremely cautious about reconnecting romantically. A high percentage of those who cheat will do so again.

Cheating is never OK, but it does happen to a large majority.

The days of marriages lasting 40 years or more seem to be disappearing in record numbers, but there are still diamonds in the rough. You just have to keep both eyes open.

Have you been cheated on? What are some things you did to recover and move forward?

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