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|Rachel Dack • 9/25/14|
If you consider yourself a shy guy, you know how difficult it can be to navigate the dating world.
You may be committed to finding love but struggle to make a move, approach an attractive woman or keep a conversation flowing naturally.
You may want to say hello, ask for her phone number or show her you are interested, but you hold yourself back due to your shy tendencies or insecurities.
You may feel awkward in social settings or new surroundings and when meeting new people.
You may also experience physical symptoms, such as sweating, shaking or an upset stomach, that leave you apprehensive about dating.
It is only natural that your shyness will affect your approach to dating and intimacy, as it may feel overwhelming to put yourself out there with a new woman, especially a woman you are interested in.
Although there is always the potential for rejection in the dating world (no matter if you are shy or not), shy people can be overly preoccupied with worrying about how others perceive them.
Your own worrying may prevent you from actively engaging in what you want in your love life.
Despite some of the above challenges you may face, your shyness does not have to interfere with your relationship goals if you are willing to conquer your fears and stay committed to building a rewarding connection with your ideal woman.
Below are 10 strategies to help you confront your shyness in your daily life, embrace your strengths and gain confidence for effective dating.
Understand that you are not alone. Research shows a large percentage of our population relates to being shy.
In fact, there are many people who appear to be confident but consider themselves shy and worry what others think.
Shyness is considered a highly adaptive personality trait because it allows you to think before proceeding in a situation.
In partner selection, women appreciate thoughtful men who think before they speak and don’t approach them too aggressively.
Shy men are often considered to be genuine and good listeners, which are two highly desirable qualities women look for in a partner.
Get in the habit of approaching women. Without the pressure to ask a woman for her number or show your interest, practice making eye contact, smiling, holding the door for strangers, etc.
Notice yourself beginning to open up and recognize the courageous part of you that is willing to take social risks to create the life you want.
Think of dating in realistic terms (an opportunity for two people to learn about each other and see if they are compatible) versus a life or death situation or a situation where everything must go perfectly.
Instead of imagining the worst-case scenario prior to a new situation or date, envision the best and remind yourself that you can handle it even if things don’t go as planned.
“You deserve a wonderful
woman who will value you.”
Think about your successes and everything you have accomplished despite your shyness.
Consider every relationship you have built with friends, family, co-workers or previous partners despite being fearful or uncomfortable at first. Bring this sense of self-worth on your dates.
Do this by becoming the best version of yourself and enhancing your strengths.
Tackle any issues that get in the way of your confidence, such as joining a gym to shed off the extra pounds. Commit to taking a class you have always wanted to take, going after your personal and professional goals, making time for your hobbies and taking care of yourself mentally and physically.
Focus on grounding yourself and encouraging yourself through positive self-talk.
If you aren’t confident in the kitchen, don’t try to be and resist inviting her over for a homemade meal. Instead, pick a restaurant you’ve been to or a type of food you know you like.
It can also be helpful to plan a date that is an activity if sitting across the table is too intimidating.
Ask questions, smile and listen to her answers. Use good eye contact to show her you are interested (eye contact is a sign of confidence.)
Compliment her and focus on breaking the ice with common interests, mutual friends and shared experiences. Resist focusing on what to say next by bringing yourself back to the present.
If you stumble or feel shy while you are in a conversation, use humor or mention that you have shy moments. This will help her understand you better and build a connection.
It is common to judge yourself more harshly than others judge you, and this is an important concept to remember while dating.
Remind yourself that you deserve a wonderful woman who will value the man you are and have hope that you will find her if you are willing to put yourself out there.