Say Goodbye to Her Mixed Messages

Men's Dating

Say Goodbye to Her Mixed Messages

Rachel Dack Rachel Dack • 9/25/14

The topic of mixed signals is commonly brought up in discussions about dating.

A mix of stop signs, green lights and hot and cold behavior from a woman you are pursuing tends to stir up confusion and questions.

Why wouldn’t it if you like her and don’t want to give up?

Mixed signals may take on many forms and are generally a combination of messages that are hard to decipher. They may be difficult to keep up with and leave you wondering about her level of interest in you and how she actually feels about you.

Whether she acts interested but breaks dates with you, will only go out with you in the company of her friends, contacts you multiple times a day and then leaves you hanging or needs to reschedule but is unwilling to give you a specific date or time, I can certainly understand why you feel confused and frustrated.

There are endless reasons why.

She may be unsure of what she wants. She may be in a relationship. She may be attention-seeking and knows you are there to fill that need.

She may be interested in several guys at the same time (and waver on who is at the top of her list). She may be recently single or friendly or scared.

Regardless of why she is affectionate, interested or attentive and then completely unavailable or silent, you have the power to make choices that work for you.

As you evaluate what you want, what to do next and how you should respond to her, here are a few points to consider:

Are you missing the point?

I have to ask this question first to encourage you to check in with yourself and take on a reality-based approach to your dilemma.

Sometimes our own assumptions, expectations and desires can get in the way of what is actually happening.

If you are only looking for green lights, your mind can lead you to believe a smile from her is a sure sign you’re the one. This could lead you to hear what you want to hear or believe what you want while missing her clear signals.

Or maybe you are reading into her signals more than you should. She may smile at you, but that does not mean she is into you.

“Connecting with a woman should feel

natural, not like a mind game.”

It’s always useful to view her behavior in context.

For example, does she smile and hug every guy around her when she enters the room, or does she greet just you in a special way?

If she treats all of you similarly, she may just be nice, cuddly or a flirt. Assess how she treats you while being aware about how she treats those around her.

Also be sure not to turn her “no thanks” attitude into convincing yourself she is interested or that she will be in time. It is crucial to hear what she is saying.

Are her mixed messages a response to yours?

It is natural to be confused or fearful about relationships at times. These feelings impact our behavior and may create mixed messages on your end, so it is important to determine if you are sending her clear signals.

If you are not calling, picking her up or spending time with her as you said you would, she may be relying on mixed messages to evaluate what she wants or protect herself from getting hurt by you.

If you are interested in her, you are absolutely allowed to be cautious or anxious. However, be sure to let her know you like her and keep your word.

Be empowered and know what you deserve.

Be confident that you can attain the love you are looking for and understand that you can be decisive with your decisions, choices and behavior regardless of what you are receiving from her.

A woman may be beautiful, smart, fun and interesting while also not being ready for the type of relationship you are looking for.

A mature woman who likes you and is genuinely interested in getting to know you will make sure you know she is interested. In this case, her actions should not leave you feeling insecure, neglected or anxious.

As difficult as dating can seem, connecting with a woman should feel natural, not like a mind game.

Lastly, if you like her and don’t feel like saying goodbye yet, communicate how you feel while trying to ignite or reignite the spark and attraction. Watch for her response and decide accordingly.

Also be sure that you are not guilty of sending mixed messages as a method to protect yourself from the fear of getting attached or hurt.

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