She Demands My Friendship to End. Why Does She Want This?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I’m writing on behalf of my friend Sab, who is in a long-distance relationship. We have been very supportive to each other and our friendship is important to us.

The woman he is dating demands that this friendship is over. I’m very concerned about her intentions. My friend is in his 70s and is vulnerable. I want to spare him from any future problems.

Why does she want so much to have us out of Sab’s life?

-Joanna (New Jersey)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Joanna,

Clearly his girlfriend feels threatened by your friendship with her man. Long-distance relationships are particularly fragile because essentially they are part-time commitments that may lead to permanency or not.

My advice is to engage her in a friendship with you so she can see you have clear boundaries. The next time she is in town, host the two of them for dinner. Maybe invite another male friend so she can see you have other male friends as well.

The only thing that makes a red flag go up for me is the fact you didn’t tell me about your true feelings for her man.

If you have strong feelings for him and are waiting in the wings, I think it’s your ethical responsibility to excuse yourself from the friendship.

And if he has feelings for you, other than platonic friendship, then he may be sending her unconscious signals about those feelings.

I suggest you sort out all the feelings here so you can make sense of this triangle.


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